Saturday. Previously on Big Brother 3: Amy put Chiara on the block, but it was totally not about revenge. It was about hate. Ah, pure, unspoiled hate -- how I ache to be in your presence always. Kiki railed against the injustice of Amy's return, which, coincidentally, was also hate-related. (It's really a shame those two never learned to appreciate how much they have in common. They should have done their nails together or something.) Roddy drew Amy into his pulsating green globule of evil influence, and she went willingly, throwing daisies all along the way. She nominated him alongside Kiki, but she apologized for doing something so very, very wrong. Roddy was all over Danielle's puppetmastering, no matter how hard she tried to wash off the scent of wickedness. In even more news involving the Mysterious Power Emanating From That Infernal Bald Spot, Roddy seduced Marcellas into a new alliance that appears to have no purpose except to make Marcellas feel like the prettiest girl in school. Gerry literally slid his way to the power of veto (covered with baby oil, mind you), but eventually he dropped the medallion back in the box and decided to skip it after all. Kiki was sent packing, blubbering her way to Julie Chen and into obscurity. Or so we all hope. Jason won the world's speediest HoH competition, and Danielle saw it all falling into place.
Blue-and-white Kiki is evicted. Again. The somber Chimes of Heartbreak bong in the background as Roddy voices over that he and Kiki were such good buddies, he almost hated to have to tell her he didn't want anything to do with her once they were out of the house. Amy -- still sucking so hard on her bitterness and jealousy that you can almost hear her teeth cracking -- says patronizingly, "I'm sorry, it's a game, and it's not Love Connection." Amy is, in that annoying way people sometimes have, both right and full of it. In other words, she's saying something true, but she doesn't actually believe it. "It's a game" is not why she sat on her bed spitting, "I want her out," or why she told everyone how "offended" she was that Kiki lasted longer in the house than she did. When you're on the upswing, it's a game. When you're in a downturn, it's all about taking your personal issues for a walk and letting them poop on everyone else's lawn. I am not happy about Amy being back in the house. Really, really not.
More Kiki-eviction weeping. On her way out the door, it seems, Kiki turned to Lisa and said, "Why didn't you vote for me?" And now the people at Merriam-Webster, like they don't have enough problems deciding how many E's to put in "Eeeeeeeee!", will have to erase whatever the old definition of "nerve" in the "some nerve" sense was, and replace it with what Kiki just did. Chiara screws Lisa, lies about it, gets caught...and now wants to know why Lisa didn't vote for her? Excuse me, Kiki -- telephone for you. It's your karmic loan officer, and he's come to collect. He brought his garnishment order and he plans to sell your car. Of course, the perfect symmetry (and near inevitability) of what Lisa did doesn't keep Lisa from sitting around weeping over how bad she feels about voting Kiki out, giving it the full "why, oh why, did I not follow the dictates of my true soul" treatment. Good grief, Lisa, she would have booted you three more times without blinking if her precious boyfriend had instructed her to. Don't get girly in the Diary Room when it's time to vote.