Big Brother
Big Brother

Episode Report Card
Joe R: D | 982 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
When Fat Janelle Met Saggy Dick

So Janelle displays what a fine choice she was to emcee this event by having to bury her face in her cue card so she doesn't fuck it up. Their task -- and I'm going to be omitting all the extraneous Janelle self-aggrandizement because life's too short to listen to her whole shtick for a third year in a row, and...wait, I said I'd think of something else to talk about if I got bitter, so I'll mention that in lieu of recapping this episode, I could be watching Rafael Nadal and his physics-defying butt play into the fourth set of his U.S. Open match. Which...makes me even more bitter. Well there goes that idea. ...Right -- the task! It's the annual head shot mishmash challenge, where they have to identify two evicted houseguests from a swirling conflation of both their faces. Most correct answers wins. The competition itself boils down to the thrill-a-minute excitement of watching people stare at a video screen (they have to get spun around 'til they're dizzy first, but regardless), so I'll just tell you that Daniele wins, thanks to the fact that, as she says, sometimes she just stares at the memory wall for, oh, no reason whatsoever. The wind between your ears whispers "Nick," sweetie. So Jessica, Jameka, and Eric are all saddened by this news, as you might expect. Also: Dick acts like a total disgusting horndog towards Janelle, but we'll have to address that later anyway, unfortunately.

After the break, we're weirdly still lingering at the veto competition, because Janelle needs to have her extended send-off where everyone hugs her and Eric apologizes to her and she hugs Dick for an extra second because she did the math in her head that if America loves Dick and America loves her, then she has to love Dick too. Which...she's put her hands on creepier men in her lifetime, I'm sure.

Back inside, Daniele starts to dance around and gloat about her victory before she notes that Jess and Jameka are pissed. I love that. "Assholes. Ruining my victory dance." So instead she heads on up to the HOH and dances for Zach -- literally this time, not figuratively like when she wanted to keep him from nominating her. Zach's happy as a clam, because he's under the mistaken notion that this all means Daniele likes him now. He tells her they should go ahead and evict Jessica this week so that, with Jameka still HOH-restricted, Daniele and Dick will only have to fend off Eric to regain control of the house. That's exactly right. And that benefits Zach...how, exactly? He certainly is playing the perfect game if his goal is to ensure a Dick-Daniele Final Two.

Big Brother

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