Then it's time to pop the champagne and do the introductions. Kristen goes first, and Hayden admits that it might take him a week or two to "work my magic." Matt informs them that he just got married in September, but leaves out the part where he's a "certified genius." Whatever; the best part about being in Mensa is hanging out with people who are in Mensa, which again makes me wonder how smart he really is. Rachel acts vapid in her self-intro, leaving out the part where she's a chemist and deploying an annoying laugh that's going to outweigh the boobs in a hurry. The most interesting thing Monet shares about herself is the names of her cats, which I've already forgotten. Ragan has an instant crush on Brendon, while Kristen has a crush on Hayden. So maybe it won't take Hayden a week or two after all. Andrew, wearing what Rachel calls a "yom kippur" on his head (she's a chemist, not a rabbi), makes a crack about thinking this was a speed-dating thing for Jewish singles. He tells everyone he's underemployed rather than being a doctor, so as to generate sympathy for himself. Kathy's clown-like face seems to oblige. Lane says he's "a salesman for an oil company." Which I guess would have been hard to show him doing in his intro montage. Especially if said oil company is BP, in which case this house is probably the safest place for him. Kathy comes right out and says she's 40, with a 22-year-old son. Everyone acts amazed at how great she looks, like she said she's 80 or something. Britney shows off her new engagement ring. Enzo does his Jersey accent, which Annie also likes. Ragan also lies about his job, claiming to be a student in communications rather than a professor. "I'm painfully single," he says. Britney diary-rooms of Ragan that she could tell he was gay the minute he opened his mouth. Why, did a dick fall out of it? She yammers on, "Those are my people. We can talk about boys, shopping, Broadway shows, Sex and the City, the series and the movies. It was just love at first sight." Especially how she knows everything about him just from how he talks. Normally you don't see that kind of jumping to conclusions about people from anyone who isn't Michael Scott. Annie talks about her French Bulldog, "Mr. Cubby Bears," but leaves out her bisexuality. So that's everyone, and Ragan proposes a toast "to our least drama-filled day." Which will prove optimistic.
Episode Report CardM. Giant: B | 753 USERS: B-
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