Big Brother
Will Is the Luckiest Boy In All The Land!

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Will Is the Luckiest Boy In All The Land!

Julie Chen informs us that, on Tuesday, the nine evicted houseguests returned to the CBS studios to talk about their experiences on the show, and question Nicole and Will. And man, their first little roundtable discussion is really vicious. Seems that people are still bitter. Before we get into that, though, we need to discuss Mike Boogie's mind-boggling ensemble, which consists of camo pants and a football jersey, which, hello, doesn't match at all. Worse, though, is the sideways Newsies cap that he's wearing on top of a sparkly white bandanna. I really can't think of enough words to adequately describe how freakish he looks. ["I also want to add that the night of the finale, I was wearing a pair of camo pants -- at least until this scene, at which time I went into the kitchen and set myself on fire." -- Wing Chun] He's also quite bitter, angrily snipping that Chill Town didn't "sit around and scheme," the way he believes the rest of them did. Mike, Mike, Mike; America didn't hate Chill Town because we thought you were scheming bastards. We just thought you were bastards. Anyway, people angrily yell in response to this. Bunky and Mike still hate each other. And Autumn! She's got these crazy extensions in her hair! She looks like a Barbie doll, with this tiny little face and all this long plastic hair. ["I thought she looked like Samuel L. Jackson in The Caveman's Valentine, myself. Glark thought she looked like John Travolta in Battlefield Earth." -- Wing Chun] Hardly sniffs that he's not denying any scheming. "Oh, you're not, now? Because you looked me in the eye in the house and denied it," Mike snips. He's such a whiny baby. God. Krusta is basically sitting on his lap, which is as sick-making as it sounds. Monica watches this entire argument go down with a little smile on her face. The camera pans to Shannon. Her bangs! Are hideous! Also, she's wearing a long, fake cubic zirconia necklace, which is equally hideous. She looks like she's on her way to a gig on the Home Shopping Network. Kent tells the camera that some houseguests are harboring ill feelings. Ya think? Krusta, for example, is still furious with Hardly, and Shannon is irritated by the mean things Bunky said about her in the Diary Room. "Duh. You weren't a nice person," Bunky says in the Voting Room for Evicted Houseguests. Next, the houseguests banter about Autumn's eviction, Bunky saying that he really wanted to keep her in the house, but that Hardly wouldn't allow it. Hardly mutters that Bunky shouldn't have let anyone tell him how to vote. Bunky rolls his eyes. Next, Mike apologizes to Sheryl for nominating her, and therefore dooming her to eviction. She's very gracious about it. Finally, they all agree they can't believe Will and Nicole are in the finals. Every day, Mike says, he wakes up and can't believe Will is in the house. "And not me," he thinks. There's some yammer about "playing the game," which is a phrase I will be happy never to hear again. Monica says she's disappointed in Hardly. Hardly says he feels manipulated by Nicole. Whatever.

Later, in their interviews, everyone pretends that they don't know whom they're going to vote for. Give me a break; everyone made up their mind before they even got on the plane. Kent snarks that trying to decide between Will and Nicole is like trying to decide "between an ingrown toenail and a rash." Everyone in the Voting Room blathers about how Will and Nicole "played the game." Boring! "Will is probably one of the most conniving, mischievous, deceitful people I've ever met," Hardly says. Yes, and we love him for it. And by the way, Hardly, "mischievous" isn't really all that insulting. Huck Finn was mischievous. Chipmunks are mischievous. Also, you don't pronounce it that way. "They will both reap what they sow," Monica says. I guess they're going to feel the reap.

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