Big Brother
Will Is the Luckiest Boy In All The Land!

Episode Report Card
Jessica: A | Grade It Now!
Will Is the Luckiest Boy In All The Land!

Shannon is next. Although I am tempted to revisit my position on Shannon, in light of the fact that she turned out, maybe, to be partially correct about Hardly, I decide against that the instant I see her posing in her white bikini on the beach. Still hate her. Shannon informs us that, in her spare time, she's been playing beach volleyball. Wow, that's challenging. She tells the camera that Monica is "a true person" and then gets to what she really enjoys: shit-talking. Not that there's anything wrong with that. She smarms that Hardly deserved the toothbrush incident, because he was a bully. Which he was. But we didn't know that then. "Call me cold, heartless, whatever, but look at yourself and don't judge me," she says. "Whatever," she finishes, with tears in her eyes. Aw, poor Shannon! People must be spitting on her and kicking her in the shins as she walks down the street. Or maybe she's been reading this site. Hey, Shannon, did you see how most people turned against Hardly, too? Good times. Anyway, re: Jim: Shannon admits they spent a whole week and a half together, talking about their relationship. Or, er, "talking." And she admits that she doesn't know what's happening with the whole Jim/Will conundrum. "Things happen, and it's hurtful, but I'm sorry," she says, and shrugs, as the editors flash an image of Will on the screen. Dude, did she just break it off with my funny, evil boyfriend, right there on national TV? Will! My apartment is twenty minutes from the CBS lot! Come on down! Cry on my shoulder! We can drive to Hermosa Beach and let the air out of Shannon's tires!

Next is Autumn. She and her boyfriend have decided to get married. If I cared, that would be nice. She then explains that she has a thyroid disorder called Graves Disease that caused her to gain weight right before she left for the show. I have to say, I myself have a minor thyroid disorder (not Graves Disease, just slightly lower than normal thyroid levels) and while I didn't have any weight issues, I learned that a screwed-up thyroid really affects your mood. I was all tired and depressed and emotional, and once I started taking medication to normalize my thyroid, I felt much better. Even though I was unemployed! My point? Autumn's crazy emotional reactions to everything that happened during her two weeks in the house might have had as much to do with this disorder as with the fact that she's a big whiny baby. Now, she's got the whole disease thing under control, she says, and she's trying to shape up -- not because of all the crap that Shannon put her through, but because she "wants to do it for herself." She's also cutting a record. The camera follows her to the recording studio, where she sings a song that includes the lyrics "tonight is my night to shake my thing." Whatever butters your toast.

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Big Brother




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