Big Brother
Worst Alliance Ever

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now!
Mutiny in the Brigade

Lane's HoH room. Lane has a terrifying-looking brother, and there's a green helmet, which prompt Lane to admit that all he does is schmooze clients on the golf course. Good move, that.

That night, Hayden and Britney lounge in the hammock, and Britney talks about how she's not sure she'd vote for Lane in the final two, because he might not need the money. Hayden can't agree fast enough with that.

Hayden and Enzo take a pause from prematurely celebrating their final-four status to wonder what happens if Lane doesn't nominate Britney and Ragan wins PoV. That would be awkward for the Brigade, so they decide they have to "pull [Lane] back." Which they'll do by warning Lane that Britney's too much of a threat to bring with him to the final two.

Enzo plays "spaceman" on the workout bench in his penguin suit, because everyone's so bored. The editors add some sound effects and everything. Britney DRs about how Enzo's lost it, even though during Enzo's little performance, we saw Britney laughing maniacally. While also wearing a crown, so.

It's Lane's turn to face the Pandora's Box door. The feed from inside the room seems to show a tree hung with envelopes and medallions marked with dollar signs. Lane's second envelope warns him of the ten-thousand-dollar money tree, "with every temptation comes a consequence." Lane decides to open it, heedless of the consequences for his housemates.

There's a note on the tree saying that Lane can choose up to three cash envelopes, and for each one, there'll be a punishment for the whole house -- including Lane. He pulls down one envelope that turns out to be good for $79, and another for $12. "This is not a money tree, this is a fake-you-out tree," he complains, showing a surprising grasp of botany. He pulls another envelope for seventeen cents, so his big windfall is $91.17. "I got screwed, so now I have to explain to the rest of the house that they're about to get screwed too." He goes out and tells them all about it, including the three punishments in the offing. "Oh my God, in the jury house, they cloned Rachel," Ragan DRs with dread. And Lane looks on the bright side: "Maybe I can fill my car up with gas."

While the final five lounge unsuspectingly outside, all the silverware and glasses disappear from the kitchen. Looks like a week of eating with their hands and drinking out of bowls (and two-liter bottles [while eating, Britney? Really?]), thanks to Lane. Well, at least there's that much less to not wash.

Up in the HoH room, Britney asks Lane who he's going to put up. Lane says Ragan and Enzo, and asks her if she'd take Ragan off the block if she wins PoV. Britney says she wouldn't, but Ragan might just save himself. Britney's more worried about Enzo winning HoH next week and putting her up, which is about as likely as the house getting hit by a meteor. While the meteor is still in space. Lane makes the mistake of flatly stating, "I'm not putting up Hayden," which he didn't say about Britney. "We'll see where your loyalties lie," she says, annoyed. And now she threatens to use the Veto on Ragan if she wins. And he threatens in turn to put her up so she has to use it on herself. They're kind of kidding, but they're kidding on the square.

Lane complains to Enzo and Hayden about how this is hard for him, to the point where he'd almost rather nominate himself. "This sucks, I wish I was playing golf," he DRs. Enzo talks big about how he'd just nominate Britney and Ragan. Well, you didn't win, Enzo. Lane asks Hayden if he'd be willing to go up, since it's been a while for him. "It's different now," he coaxes. Enzo doesn't get that Lane has a problem nominating Britney, and DRs that he's trusting Lane less. So what are you going to do about it?

It's nomination day. Ragan says he'd be shocked if he didn't go up. Hayden says he doesn't know what Lane will do, but Ragan is the target. Enzo insists to the DR that Lane has to nominate Britney and Ragan. Britney says that if she goes up. "I'm gonna be really pissed." Lane says this is hard, because "I hate upsetting people." But he has to look out for himself.

Lane convenes the nomination ceremony. Britney's safe, to the visible annoyance of Enzo, even under his penguin beak. Also safe is Hayden, which makes Enzo the pawn up against Ragan. Lane tells them it was hard, and "the PoV is the real deal in this."

Ragan DRs that he's by himself, so he needs to win PoV. Enzo calls Lane's nominations a "baby move. Lane's a pussy. Make the power move already." Isn't turning on your alliance a power move? I get confused about the definition of that term, mainly because it seems to vary based on who's using it. Lane hopes that Enzo isn't that mad at him. And Lane DRs that Enzo hasn't won anything, whereas Britney has. "Maybe Britney should stay and you should go." Hard to argue with that; Enzo can't even win against a person who wants to lose to him.

M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]

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Big Brother




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