Big Brother
Would You Get Mad If I Killed You?

Episode Report Card
Jessica: B+ | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Would You Get Mad If I Killed You?

Kent's Diary Room: Kent says that "some of these guys" (a.ka. Justin, Will, Mike, and Shannon) think they're really controlling the game, but in reality...not so much.

Okay, so Will is the most vain person alive. Seriously. We see all the housemates getting ready in the morning, and none of them seems unusually obsessed with his or her appearance. But Will? He's insane. The man plucks his hairline, so that it's symmetrical. He plucks his eyebrows. He examines the symmetry of his face. He curls his eyelashes. He brushes his brows with a toothbrush.

Thus beautified, Will hits the Big Blue Chair of Narcissistic Twats. "I hope everyone has underestimated my potential for just massive destruction," Will says, cocking one astoundingly well-groomed brow. The editors freeze-frame him, switch to black and white, and crank up the funky 1960s James Bond villain tunes.

"He's really pissing off a lot of people," Bunky says of Will. In the bathroom, Nicole fastens her overalls and complains about Will, while Krista blow-dries her hair and nods. In the Diary Room, Bunky says he hopes that Kent, Monica, Krista, Autumn, and Nicole can help him take Will out. "As soon as possible," he says.

Later, Will tells some of the men how mean and insensitive ER doctors are, spinning some story about what he does when he sews up someone's face. Um, why is an oncologist sewing up people's faces? That must have been during medical school and his six-month ER rotation, in which case, there's no way he was in charge of sewing up anything other than minor skin lacerations, because medical students have no power whatsoever. Hardy listens to this story and looks disgusted.

In the living room, Kent tells Bunky that Will told the group that if he sees the parents of a dying child, he just tells them to "get over it." They both make shocked faces. Will is so full of shit. If he ever pulled that kind of crap on a patient, he would be out on his ass before he even finished his sentence. Surgeons can be arrogant jackholes, but from my understanding, they're generally jackholes to their underlings and co-workers, not to the patients. "Okay, the war is on," Bunky says. Yay, war!

Will has what he thinks is a brilliant idea: a twenty-four-hour fast. He says that he's totally fooled people into thinking that the fast is designed for "spiritual cleansing," but, he says, it's actually to see if he can get people to do what he wants. The entire house agrees to fast for the entire twenty-four hours. I would have been all, "Fasting? Yeah, have fun with that. Do we have any ice cream?" Will sits in the Big Blue Chair of Dietary Control and says that his "spiritual cleansing" line was "total BS." He smirks. "It puts me in a position of power, like I can be the puppeteer, and they can be the marionettes!" Arnold Shapiro digs up some hysterically creepy Evil Puppeteer Music and blares it as Will grins evilly into the camera. Will is the devil.

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Big Brother

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