Big Love
Big Love

Episode Report Card
Sobell: B+ | 516 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
They want to know what love is

In any event, Alby stands there, stricken. After Roman takes off, Alby just watches hiM go. Rhonda stands up and offers to give him a lift home. No response. Rhonda tries again: "I can't do numbers either." Alby turns around, bellowing, "Shut up!" Alby! That's no way to talk to your sixteenth stepmom! Rhonda shouts back that she was trying to be nice, then adds haughtily, "And don't you ever raise your voice to me like that again." Or what? You'll ground him?

Bill and Barb agree to hook up for another daytime quickie. This time, they meet at the White Birch hotel. Barb checks in, and the clerk is all, "Any luggage?" Me, I would be so embarrassed that the clerk knew I was checking into a hotel for the express purpose of Doing It, I would probably pack a small suitcase. And then spend the elevator ride up to the room worrying that the clerk thought I had brought props or something. Fortunately, Bill and the cassette tape he picked up in the garage have no such worries.

The minute Barb opens the door, Bill's all over her. After they finish, Barb asks, "What are we doing?" Bill sleepily replies, "What do you think?" Barb tells him, "We're having an affair." Bill points out, "How can it be an affair? We're married." Then let your other wives know you're putting it to Barb in the middle of the day. Barb then notices she lost her necklace, but Bill's got other things on his mind. Namely, the need to show us his naked rear -- it's the 34-minute mark, which is possibly the latest sighting during an episode -- and to pop in a song that's obviously got a lot of emotional resonance for them: Foreigner's "I Want to Know What Love Is." Well, whatever works. I myself am more inclined to agree with Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank viz the Foreigner:

Dr. Forrester: Now, what happens when you go into your favorite karaoke bar and you want to hear "I Want to Know What Love Is" by Foreigner?
TV's Frank: People vomit?

Yes. Yes, they do. Or if they're Bill and Barb, they have fabulously cinematic-looking sex. Afterwards, Bill scoops up all the free soaps, and Barb grabs his hand. They run down the hall together, laughing.

Bill's day only gets better. He runs into Don on the store floor, and it appears the attorney general is going to want some more information about that suit against Roman. Prank-calling pays off! But calls from the second wife, not so much. Nicki calls Bill's cell and tells him, "I just wanted you to know, I'm not stupid."

Big Love

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