Big Love
Damage Control

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M. Giant: B | Grade It Now!
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Fortunately for me, Adaleen suddenly remembers something Roman sent along for Nicki, and she carries over a bright blue Tupperware dish. Given the concoction Roman gave Frank to drink after Frank's first "illness," I'm expecting some foul casserole to be contained in there, but when Nicki lifts the lid, the contents are even scarier: a nickel-plated, pearl-handled revolver. "Be careful, it's loaded," Adaleen advises casually. I wish I knew when the third act starts, so I can expect when that thing's going to go off.

At the office, Don is listening live to Wendy's current phone call. But Wendy isn't talking about anything more incriminating than her sick cat. A deep focus shot shows Don in close-up, with Wendy visible through his office window in the background. She's talking about kitty's refusal to attend to his bodily functions, and the story is clearly getting to Don. "Oh, God," he mutters in distress. The idiot didn't even mute his phone, because Wendy totally heard him. He hangs up, too late.

At the UEB offices, Joey has brought in a prosecutor to inform Roman that the state is getting involved in Wanda's case, taking over from the Juniper Creek municipal cops. Roman stands and says he'll take it under advisement. He invites the state guy to have a look around the "community," as he calls it, and asks if he is "devout." "I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints," the prosecutor answers stiffly. Roman says he loves to talk about faith. "As you know, we believe in the original word handed down by the prophet Joseph Smith. Religion can't just change on a whim whenever we want it to. I ask myself, what kind of religion is that?" He chuckles softly, going for "friendly" and landing just short of "Palpatine." Nobody joins in. Joey and his guest leave without another word, leaving Roman to glower nervously at the door they just exited through. Rhonda's there in the outer office, playing cat's cradle with someone who I assume is another one of Roman's wives. Tangled web and all that crap.

Margene is now in Nicki's car, with her and Nicki's kids in the back. They're on a cell phone call to Bill, who is also on his cell phone. He's gone out in front of the store for a little privacy for this conversation, and it's kind of ridiculous, because guess where Nicki and Margene are parked? In the parking lot of Bill's store. They're like fifty feet apart and they can totally see each other. Anyway, Margene is stressing that Barb sounds like she's got her mind made up about staying, and Nicki is advising Bill to either get Barb back or cut her loose and, of course, make Nicki first wife. I remind you that Barb has been gone for less than twenty-four hours. Bill thinks both wives are overreacting. "It goes much deeper and much further back than you think," Margene intones, quite dramatically for someone who has no idea what she's saying. Bill thinks he knows Barb better than Nicki, having been married to her for eighteen years compared to Nicki's six. Nicki says the wives know each other better than Bill ever could. Can't argue with that. Chicks got some kind of crazy psychic-sisterhood-menstrual-voodoo thing going on. Nicki tells Bill that Margene is devastated, being a product of monogamous divorce herself. Nicki's younger son Raymond leans out of the car window and hollers, "Dad! Dad!" Bill waves back nervously. Margene gets the phone back and insists that it's bad. Bill is still downplaying the seriousness of the situation, and Nicki takes another turn to up-play it, as she and Margene sit totally oblivious to the fact that behind them, Wayne is opening the station wagon's hatchback and climbing right out. He heads toward Bill, who is trying to deal with Nicki while trying to subtly wave Wayne off at the same time. Watching a dad being embarrassed to be seen in public with one of his kids should not be this funny. Margene hilariously hops out and catches up with Wayne and circles around in front of him, herding him back to the car as subtly as possible, which is not at all subtle. Bill tells Nicki -- who hasn't lifted a finger to help with the Wayne eruption -- that he's doing what he can, and ends the call.

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Big Love

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