The Hollies' "Long Cool Woman (in a Black Dress)" starts playing as the scene shifts to the street out front. A couple of women we've never seen before -- one short, one tall -- walk up the street and approach Bill's boat. They don't look mainstream, but they don't look like Juniper Creekers either, unless they walked all the way from the compound, lived under a bridge for a few weeks, and then got dragged around the neighborhood behind one of Roman's Humvees for a while. One of the women has a mason jar of clear fluid, and the other has a box of kitchen matches, one of which she lights. Hey, that's not how you christen a boat!
Inside the house, Margene's already asleep. Bill's about to join her in bed, but the flames outside the window attract his dismayed attention. He peers under the blinds, but all he sees is his new boat going up in smoke. "Had it all!" Allen Clarke remarks mockingly on the soundtrack as the song and the scene cut off.
Next morning, the new boat is a molten, smoking hunk of charred fiberglass. On the plus side, if they take it out for a cruise today, the lake's smell won't seem so noticeable. Bill tells Don, standing next to him in the driveway, that he doesn't want his wives to know that the Fire Marshal is investigating this for arson. I'm pretty sure that's something I would want my wives to know. "Boats tend not to spontaneously combust," Don remarks, which, given Bill's earlier lack of knowledge about boats, may well have been news to him. Don thinks it was Roman, but Bill doesn't think arson is Roman's style. The discussion is put off for the moment when Ben comes out with an expectant look on his face. Bill tells Ben that he can't take him to the DMV today as planned, apparently because now he has to watch his crispy Criss Craft get towed away, which is going to put a big old ten-second crater in the middle of his morning. Ben's disappointed, but he says he'll ask Barb. Bill reminds Ben to take his time with parallel parking, then watches the S.S. Duraflame get hauled off down the street. Nobody is more disappointed than me; I would have loved to see Bill tooling around on the Great Salt Lake with the boat's trailer still attached underwater.
Nicki's getting ready to do some heavy landscaping in the back yard, hauling around sacks of Quikrete like they're adorable little puppies. Which, to her, they probably are. Barb comes out to invite Nicki along to Ben's driver's test, because there's nothing a boy appreciates at such an important rite of passage like the support of all three of his moms. Nicki's up for it, but she thinks Margene just left. To Sarah, who has just come outside, Barb asks where Margene is. Sarah says, "Errands." I can't believe that none of the grown women on this show sees through that excuse by now. I say that word to M. Small, and he's all, "I don't wanna go to errands!" Do try to catch up to my two-year-old, ladies. Nicki's cordless house phone in her skirt pocket rings, and the next thing she knows she's talking to a guy from the Sun Times, specifically the one who's doing a story on Rhonda. "Rhonda?" Nicki repeats, which causes Barb's ears to prick up. Nicki is fairly calm at first, saying she has no comment to the question about Nicki being the daughter of Roman Grant. But when the reporter says that he heard Nicki helped "procure" Rhonda for Roman, she starts getting pissed off. Barb's urgently whispering at Nicki, "Ask where she is!" while the reporter is going on about what he's heard regarding a pre-legal poontang pipeline running from Canada to compound elders, namely that Nicki's part of it. Gosh, who could his source be? And when did she learn about Canada? Nicki drops the "no comment" act and bitches about Rhonda, "That girl finagled her way into my father's good graces. Her parents are roadside trash." Don't worry, I'm sure the reporter will double-source that before printing it. Nicki hangs up the phone before Barb can grab it from her. Barb's like, "Why didn't you ask where she is?" Nicki duhs that she doesn't care. "She's ruining my life. Look, she can take care of herself." Neither of them notices the guilty interest with which Sarah has been following this conversation behind them.