And now, we find out why it was so important for Teeny to have tights and not pantyhose. Although she was playing the moon in the lunar eclipse pageant, it's not the costume that's evoking images of the full moon. It's her underwear, which is in full view in the pantyhose. Naturally, all the kids begin laughing uncontrollably. Oh, that's not going to leave any permanent psychological scars or anything.
Nicki is slamming shut the trunk on her Subaru after pulling out a bag from the Gap. That woman is relentless. As she walks in, we see Margene reciting a litany of all the things Nicki dumped on her, and then Barb wheels around, looking loaded for bear. Behind her, Margene tries to mimic the hands-on-hips stance, but she looks like a little kid shadowing Mom. Nicki comes in and we see that she's also got two other big bags. Relentless! Lucky magazine staffers wish they were half as enthusiastic about shopping as she. Barb says with angry tears in her voice, "Teeny's devastated. Completely heartbroken." And let me tell you, Jeanne Tripplehorn just nails this scene. Nicki asks what happened, and Barb gives a pointed look at the shopping bags before replying, "Shouldn't we ask you that?" Nicki protests that it was a family emergency, and Margene bristles with righteous indignation as she asks, "Did you have somebody die at the Gap?" Barb looks at her like, You are not helping, Miss Pantyhose Will Work.
Nicki snots that she had to see her father and flounces off, and Barb follows her to ask why she could fit in some shopping, but not, say, "your responsibilities here." Nicki disclaims all responsibility, and attempts to blame Margene for screwing everything up. Barbara hisses, "Margene doesn't know how to take care of these little things." Well, she's not likely to learn if nobody shows her, but I suppose that's beside the point. Margene barrels into the argument sideways with her issues about being referred to as the babysitter, because apparently she never got the memo that THEY LIE TO THE NEIGHBORS.
Anyway, the fight gets progressively nastier. After Nicki huffs that she doesn't answer to Barb and she has responsibilities in the world, Barb seizes the opportunity to snap that the neighbors are asking questions, no doubt because of that fiasco of a birthday party. She utters a sentence that Margene would do well to note: "It draws attention to us at a time when discretion is the most important value that we hold." And then she sets Nicki off: "From here on out, no one comes to these houses in prairie outfits." All fashionistas watching applaud enthusiastically. Nicki decides that so long as wives are issuing edicts, hers will be that Barb doesn't get to take jobs on a whim. Although her issue is ostensibly about taking on Barb's chores, I totally think she's lashing out because she's jealous of Barb's ability to earn a living and gain some degree of financial independence. Margene goes perpendicular to the conversation (again) and says her rule is that Nicki can't have sex with Bill in Margene's bed. Blessed are the non sequiturs, for they shall throw a nasty, focused discussion into a total uproar. Barb tries to resolve things and goes to take everyone's hands, but Nicki storms off. It is a little heartbreaking that the one person who's lost the most with this whole my-husband-has-three-wives business is the one who's trying her darnedest to make it work.