So then there's this thing that happens. And I don't know about that, but I do know that I was watching this with my friend Anna, who's seen a few episodes and really likes the show, and the second this scene started, she was like, "Were you a Puritan in your past life? What's with the constant karma of weird boy crap?" And it's true. If you bring me within ten feet of an entertainment appliance of any kind, it will immediately begin broadcasting this kind of nervous-making, weird guy stuff that girls don't really want to know about. And nobody blushes harder than me when it happens, because to my mind, the whole point of repression is that people should stay bloody well repressed and not let it squirt out in creepy ways like this. So the driver, who plays the son on Commander In Chief and is totally fine, is driving Ben and Jason and three other boys down the road, and what he's doing is massaging his crotch in a very agitated and proud manner, and what he's yelling is "It's wood! It's wood, see?" There is country music playing, which somehow makes it worse. The kid riding shotgun, for some reason, reaches over and grabs hold, I guess to confirm Horace's erection, and proudly announces it again to the rest of the car. The two guys in the second row lean forward, all excited, to check it out. And yeah, boys are gross, and the more repressed the boys in question, the more likely they will do this kind of thing while speeding down the highway, but I don't really think the solution is to tell them to cut it out. You know? So they're all obsessed with Horace's boner, and talking about how it's his "pillar of truth" ("pencil," one of them corrects him), and then the dude full-on whips it out and lets it drive. I feel like maybe none of them know what to do with it, and that's why it's so exciting, but if that's true, I weep for them. I feel that constant masturbation between the ages of 15 and 25 is what this country is built on, and if you don't respect that, you can get badly injured. "Look, my hard-on's driving!" shouts Horace. It is a testament to the depressing weirdness of this scene that it's about the least titillating thing in the universe, even though if you told me you were bringing over a video featuring a carload of seminary students with their erections hanging out, I would promise to at least give it a look, and pop some popcorn in preparation for your arrival. In the very back, Jason is finding it somewhat hilarious, if archly as usual, but Ben is totally wigged, so Jason dials back his enjoyment, and then Horace's hard-on drives them into oncoming traffic.
Episode Report CardJacob Clifton: A- | 1393 USERS: B-
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