Speaking of irrational, here's Roman rewriting the early history of the Church of the Latter-Day Saints so it justifies taking middle-school-aged multiple wives. And he's got a mural to help his cause! Alby is hovering behind him like a pathologically friendly vulture, and there are two reporters who are taking all this in. Alby then gets in his creepy quota for the week by turning to the press and saying, "You may take a photograph of our mural, if you'd like." It's plain that he's aiming for friendly-yet-authoritative like dear ol' Dad, but he's landing on "thug who thinks he's a people person." The reporter whips out a recorder and asks if it's okay, so Alby takes that as license to show her his machine too.

Roman informs the reporter that "we alone have kept the principle alive. We are the one, true church." The reporter asks, "And the violence? The coercion of young girls? The abuses committed against children?" Roman leans forward and says, "We...root it out. We crush it." Well, it is hard to actively abuse children when you're dumping them in Salt Lake City and driving off, I s'pose. Roman goes on to say he's got 31 children and 187 grandchildren (clearly, Nicki's slacked off, as she's four shy of the average) and he loves every one of them. He adds, "A lot of times, their mothers will say, 'Leave Grandpa alone' and I'll say, 'Let them come to me.' Precious darlings, all of them." When I write that out, it doesn't seem nearly so sinister as it sounded. Alby then prods, "And the gays, Papa. The homosexuals." Roman eventually grabs the cue and says, "If the Supreme says yes to the privacy rights of homosexuals, truly it's time to recognize our rights too." And, um...no. I'm sorry, but you're not comparing apples to apples there. To quote columnist Cathy Young:

[L]egalizing polygamy would alter the state of marriage in general far more than gay marriage could. Allowing Jane to marry Ann does not in any tangible way change Sally’s marriage to Bill; allowing Sally and Bill to marry other people while remaining married to each other changes it drastically.

Which, you know, brings us right back to Barb.

Speaking of Boss Lady, she and Margene are chattering about Wayne's fifth birthday, which is coming up on Saturday. Barb comments that it's strange Nicki hasn't said anything about it, and Margene focuses very hard on making formula as she says, "Yeah. Strange." Barb asks if Nicki's spoken to Margene about it, and Margene says too quickly, "No, not so much. Not a lot." With one well-raised skeptical eyebrow, Barb gets Margene to begin babbling, "I know nothing! Nothing!" Nicki comes right in then and Barb turns to her all, "So! What's up with Wayne's birthday?" Nicki answers, "It's a secret, Barb." Smiling from the nostrils down, a deadly-serious Barb asks, "What is this with the secrets?" Nicki flees; it's pretty clear she only came in to make sure Margene wasn't gossiping. Barb goes back to raising the interrogatory eyebrows and Margene blurts out, "I'll just say this: the Monte Cristo hotel and resort."