Big Love
Home Invasion

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Sobell: B | Grade It Now!
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The Donner Party worked out better

Nicki's all, "What do you take me for? I've already thought of that." She hands over the brochure, and that's when Bill loses it, shouting, "The Monte Cristo hotel and lodge?" Yes -- the guests are locked in dungeons for ten years and told to dig their way out. It's very posh. They also get delicious sandwiches. Anyway, after Bill bellows, "What kind of money do you think we're made of?" Nicki douses the flames of his temper with the gasoline of this statement: "My father said he'd pay for it!" The same father Adaleen implied was too busy to come? That one?

By this point, Margene is eavesdropping -- which is not hard, what with Bill holding this conversation at the top of his lungs. Bill promptly changes the party's venue (it will now be held at Henricksons' homes plus), the size of the guest list (ten people), and the people therein (no Roman). Nicki asks, "What's wrong with you and my father?" "He's not welcome in my homes!" Bill replies. Nicki demands to know why and Bill snaps it's because he said so. You know, I keep trying to figure out what would be my personal deal-breaker in this kind of marital arrangement -- the galaxy of in-laws, the possibility that the co-spouses would drive me nuts, the tedious and constant talks about relationships -- but the "because I said so" thing might be my personal tipping point.

Anyway, Bill and Nicki's fight evolves to where they're now bickering over how much time she spends out at the compound. Nicki finally tells him, "When you fight with [Roman], you know what that does to me? How it affects my position in this family?" She stomps off. Bill stands there with a look on his face like, You are my least favorite wife right now! The dumb one never gives me this kind of trouble. Then he heads out to bring the weeping Nicki back inside. Displaying her usual impeccable timing, Barb passes by right as Nicki's shaking him off. Bill places his hand on her head and asks, "You want me to lay a blessing on you?" From the depths of the couch, the husband begins cackling and I snap at him, "That doesn't mean what you think it does! It's not a Mormon pick-up line!" Anyway, Nicki's having none of it.

The next morning, Barb's watering plants -- is there a minute of the day when she's not doing housework? Doesn't this woman have hobbies? -- when Margene sprints over (in a longer robe) to gossip about Bill and Nicki's big argument. As Margene begins to spill the beans, Nicki walks in right behind her. Oh, awkward. But this still won't make Margene the unpopular wife.

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Big Love

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