MONDO EXTRAS

As we go to commercial, let me share the greatest TV Guide summary of an episode ever: "Miami Vice, Friday, 9 p.m., NBC: Crockett and Tubbs search for drugs." Hey! I think I saw that episode!

Crockett, Tubbs, and Castillo are having a meeting of the minds, which is to say that Castillo is talking and the other two are trying to follow along. It's decided that if they are to ever find the source of this cocaine, they need to lean on Carla. Castillo also wants to hand Bill Paxton over to Internal Affairs. "He's in three violations of procedure," Castillo says, in the same tone of voice you or I would use to order a sandwich. "This officer is out of control." For a guy who was giving Bill Paxton all sorts of guff right before the commercial break, Crockett's stance has softened remarkably: "I know where this guy is at. Hell, he's so far under, he doesn't know which end is up. We've all been there. But if I can bring him back, and get him to start acting like a cop, maybe we can get what we need." This episode of "Sonny Crockett: Mentor to Troubled Peace Officers" is interrupted by a phone call from Trudy. The good news is, she's found Roxanne. The bad news is, Roxanne is no position to talk after Wesley Snipes did extension renovations on her throat with that switchblade. "Now we're down to one lead," says Tubbs, who obviously has a fast grieving process. Crockett reiterates his plea to Castillo about helping Bill Paxton help them. "Make sure you do the paperwork before you talk to him," Castillo says. "And stress that if he tries to contact the girl, I'll bust him. For interfering with an investigation." Time for one of Miami Vice's legendary paperwork montage scenes!

Or we can just cut to Crockett telling Bill Paxton that he's managed to hold off Internal Affairs. "I don't need your pity," the surprisingly ungrateful Bill Paxton says. "I carry my own weight." An offended Crockett shoots back, "Pity's not on the table." No, but cheese is, served with ample side order of ham. Case in point: as Bill Paxton continues to insist that he'll work his way out of this on his own, he receives the following lecture from Crockett, in full righteous quaking-fury mode: "You don't know what you're into. You got bagged with a hooker who had a pharmaceutical in her purse... While you're handling it, keep in mind that I'm the only thing standing between you and my lieutenant who's about this close from taking your badge." This verbal smackdown has the intended effect upon the chastened Bill Paxton, as does the news that poor Roxanne has been cut to ribbons. "You want me to go to the scene," Paxton says, realizing that he's just been sentenced to spending the rest of the episode attached to Don Johnson's hip. "For starters," Crockett says. "What else?" asks Paxton. "You might start acting like a cop," Crockett sneers. Oooooh...good one, guy wearing Versace.