Big Love
Miami Vice: “Streetwise”

Episode Report Card
Mr. Sobell: A | Grade It Now!
The Hapless Hooker Goes To Miami
As we go to commercial, you are perhaps murmuring to your computer, "Mr. Sobell, you are right -- this Miami Vice really is something other than else. Pray, what other episodes should I watch to get the full-frontal flavor of this landmark TV series before Michael Mann's pretentious little popcorn flick spoils the good name of Miami Vice forever?" I am glad to help: * The two-hour series pilot, if only to watch original Crockett partner Jimmy Smits get blown to smithereens before the opening credits. Also, the Crockett-Tubbs meet-cute is simply adorable. * The three-episode arc in which Crockett gets whacked on the skull and thinks he's really evil drug-dealer Sonny Burnett. * The one where NBA great Bill Russell guest stars as a corrupt judge. A very tall corrupt judge. * Any of the episodes featuring an appearance by G. Gordon Liddy as a paramilitaristic, right-wing creep who... well, he plays himself, essentially. * The one where Castillo infiltrates the yakuza is also a bit of hoot. ["* Don't forget the 'Crockett and Tubbs visit NYC' arc, also starring Pam Grier, with Sonny-gets-laid soundtrack stylings provided by one Huey Lewis and his News." -- Sars] Back in the episode, Crockett and Tubbs stand around morosely, waiting for Bill Paxton to work his magic on Carla and convince her to buy into their cockamamie scheme to bust Wesley Snipes. "All they want to do, baby, is pretend Roxanne gave you the key," Bill Paxton says in his best "of course, I love you -- now put on this French maid outfit and strut for Daddy" voice. "What happens to us?" Carla wants to know. "Well, me, I've got a part in Aliens and a small role in Titanic, and then one day, I think I'll take that gig on that brilliantly recapped HBO show," Bill Paxton says. "You? Well, you've got a couple of appearances on Herman's Head in your future." Or he feeds her some story about how he'll take a little heat from Internal Affairs -- "a little heat" equals "volcano of fury" in Bill Paxton's calculus -- and she'll get herself cleaned up and then they'll be together forever and ever and ever. I love fairy tales. So does Carla, apparently, because she's in on the plan. Carla gets on the horn with Wesley Snipes and arranges a meet at The Checker Club. ("Think of us for your next office party, climactic gun battle, or other social get-together!") Meanwhile, Crockett escorts Bill Paxton home to his cuckolded wife -- the fact that the missus staring daggers at him is infinitely more enjoyable than the pleasure of Crockett's company should be a wake-up call to our man Sonny. But Sonny doesn't take the hint to just...stop...talking: "Listen, I know what you did tonight wasn't all that easy. But when Internal Affairs puts you through and my partner will be in your corner." Gee, Sonny, that's probably a great comfort to Bill Paxton, seeing how smoothly the rest of this operation has gone. Speaking of which, now would be the perfect time for Mr. Leo's automatic-weapon-wielding goons to drive on by with guns a-blazing. Because Crockett is the greatest cop who ever copped, he manages to fatally wound one of the gunmen, track down and capture the other, and get this perp to blab every last detail of Mr. Leo's operation -- including the part about ambushing Tubbs and Carla -- before the poor dumb sap realizes that he's spilled his guts to an undercover cop. And all without Crockett wrinkling his white linen pants. Of course, if Sonny was really that clever, he wouldn't have left Bill Paxton alone unsupervised to sneak off to the Checker Club ambush.

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Big Love




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