Big Love
Big Love

Episode Report Card
Sobell: B+ | 557 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Not tonight, honey, I have exposition

Bill heads inside and finds Frank passed out on the floor, wheezing from pain. Lois says casually, "He's looking better today. He's going to be fine." Back on planet Earth, Frank is wheezing at Bill, "Don't let me die." Lois shrugs that Frank merely fell off the couch. Life on Planet Lois seems pretty sweet, what with there being no bigger worries than Bill's car having a smudged windshield. She natters on about how she'll just put on fresh sheets, and Barb -- who is standing in the middle of the room, looking like she's concentrating hard on teleporting out of it -- tells her they're not staying. Bill is all, "Yeah, you know, figuring out which wife I'll grab sack time with takes a backseat to getting Dad to the doctor," and that's when Lois goes a little nuts about how doctors are pretty much useless when it comes to things like medicine. She's clearly mixed up "M.D." with "Medicare reform."

There's also the issue of people perking up when one of the local cultists strolls into the ER, so Bill directs Barb to call a certain doctor who's A) discreet and B) an hour away. Lois winds up her hissy and storms out just as Joey comes in, Wanda clinging limpet-like to his arm. Bill and Joey share a long, not particularly warm look, and then Bill says acidly, "Want to help me get him off the couch?"

Meanwhile, back at one of those tacky fake-1950s fast food places, a be-uniformed Sarah is coming over to tell her friends that The Man is only giving them two more minutes on break. As she sits down, the girl across from her sees four Mormon missionary girls walk by and begins reciting mockingly, "We are Moroni's congregation / we fight sin and all temptation / beating Satan's our salvation…yay." The girl next to Sarah smirks appreciatively, then warns, "Here comes that new girl -- total Morb." The new girl, Heather, comes over with such a sweet look of tentative friendliness, it makes me hate how the one girl eggs little Miss Morbot-basher into reciting a lurid story of getting fingered by her boyfriend, just because they want to see Heather squirm uncomfortably.

Sarah is pretty taken aback too, and the girl snots, "I'm not a Morbot. Life is too short to eat white bread and Jell-O." Heather's looking a little taken aback by this, but she says resolutely, "I think that chastity takes courage." The other two girls reward her by ignoring her. Sarah says angrily, "I don't think it's such a bad idea to get past your hormones and not screw every penis that will allow you to mount it. Who really wants to get pregnant or an STD or something?" Heather looks surprised that Sarah backed her up on this, and gets up. While she's gone, one girl says something about her mother getting to her, and Miss Fingerbang corrects her with, "Mommies." The first one chortles, "Sarah has three mommies," and honestly, given how much discretion these two show in all matters social, I can only conclude that soon the entire Wasatch Valley will be privy to Bill's family arrangement. The two girls take off, leaving Heather alone with Sarah again. Heather tries again to look friendly, and Sarah smiles back.

Big Love

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