Big Love
The Ceremony

Episode Report Card
Sobell: B- | 2 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Don't drink with Wanda

I'll have you all know that when Rhonda gushed, "I love you, Barb. You really are the best mother of the year," our entire household shrieked in disbelief. She went there! She really did! And Barb is dumb enough to lap it up with a spoon. How Ben and Sarah have not taken advantage of this trait before is a testament to their fine character, I suppose.

At Henrickson's Home Plus, Wendy is working on her "Polygamists I Have Known" scrapbook. She cuts out an article about the impending "Beehive Mother of the Year" ceremony, then goes into a brown study.

Back at the Joey and Wanda's, we open on a shot of Alby's limp, wedding-ring-wearing hand, and we hear Joey coming in the door. Wanda's a little startled to see him home so soon; it's evident she was hoping Alby would have expired before Joey walked through the door. Joey asks, "Why is Alby sleeping on our sofa?" Then the penny drops and he realizes..."Oh, no. You promised!" Okay, how much do I love that Wanda's poisoning habit is just treated like a long-running marital spat? Joey checks Alby's vitals and wonders if he's too late, and Wanda's like, "He's a bad man. So what?" This is like someone re-imagining Arsenic and Old Lace as a rom-com. Joey asks, "What did you use, honey?" Wanda says blithely, "Antifreeze, but you said he was a menace, and he is a menace." It is kind of sick how much more interesting I find Wanda now that I know she's a remorseless poisoner. Joey protests, "You can't just go around poisoning everyone who's mean to us?" Simultaneously, the husband and I ask, "Why not?" Wanda says, "He was threatening my family, and my baby, and he's out to break you, and I'm sorry, honey, but I'm not going to let that happen -- I mean, he's a sociopath or a psychopath, at least." But at least he's prone to simple declarative sentences. I think I've just used up Wanda's comma allotment for the recap.

Joey then calls Lois and says darkly, "It's Wanda." Lois replies, "Oh, lord. Not again." I...I don't even have the words for how much I love that they treat her poisoning people like we treat the cats horfing hairballs on the bed -- it's an unpleasant hassle but ultimately a minor inconvenience. His voice rising with every syllable, Joey haltingly asks Lois to come sit with Wanda while he runs off to meet Bill. Wanda calmly says, "I don't need anyone, Joey." He comes completely unglued, shouting, "Oh, Wanda, you do!" Lois shrugs and hangs up, figuring it's the least she can do for the woman who made her look like a husband-poisoning shrew.

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Big Love

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