So then he tells Bill that Wanda poisoned Alby. Bill's stunned expression is truly hilarious to behold. It's like someone just told him Wanda's been breeding prize pterodactyls in the old fish farm tanks. Bill says weakly, "Alby's dead?" Joey says, "No, but it's close. Antifreeze. [pause] Like with Dad. Except not arsenic." Bill dazedly asks, "Wanda poisoned Dad?" Joey replies, "Yeah. Kind of." Bill protests that Wanda called him to tell him, to save Frank, and Joey says, "Well, not really. She called because she felt guilty you never had a chance to say good-bye." Heh. I love how calling the police hasn't even been floated as an option for the backwoods Borgia. Bill picks up the phone and barks at Lois to take Alby to a hospital now. She decides she will after she's done singing, "I told you it wasn't me that poisoned your father, but oh, no, nobody believed me." Bill asked if anyone knows the effects of antifreeze and Wanda coolly replies, "Gets drunk, passes out, then it's the kidneys that go." Bill begins stammering out a plan to cover their collective asses.
Meanwhile, back at Henricksons' homes plus, Barb is practicing her acceptance speech in the mirror as she curls her hair. She says absently, "I accept this award on behalf of my loving husband, and our three children. Our three lovely children. And on behalf of all Utah mothers who juggle schedules, work, stay up nights, give selflessly -- sometimes selfishly -- but always give --" Give themselves a heart attack is what: Nicki's hanging in the doorway, giving the performance a gimlet eye. I can't say I blame Nicki. Hereâs the person who's all blah-blah-we've-come-so-far-I-love-this-family-blah-blah, and she is rehearsing an acceptance speech that completely excludes a large group of "family" members she claims to love.
Anyway, Barb admits she's mortified, but Nicki points out, "I think it's human." What is...where is the Nicolette Grant we have come to know and, uh, know over the past eleven episodes and why has she been replaced with this bleeding heart? Oh, wait, here she is: "I'm only sharing my truest, most innermost feelings with you because I love you...I'm thinking perhaps you shouldn't accept this award." Barb plows over this with, "I knew you thought that way, and it's not as if I didn't have these misgivings myself." Nicki presses on with, "I think I feel more than just misgivings. Either we are what we say we are, or we're not. And you accepting this award feels like we're not what we say we are -- a family. And that hurts me." Barb goes on the offensive: "So what would you have me do, Nicki? In this particular situation?" I think Nicki's been pretty clear about what she would have Barb do. Or have I hallucinated all those scenes where Nicki's been like, "I don't think this is a good idea"?