Big Love
The Happiest Girl

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B- | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
My So-Called Wife

Alby's at the hospital, and he's decided that Roman's coming home. The doctor he's talking to in Roman's private room thinks that's a really terrible idea, since Roman's barely out of critical care. Indeed, the patient is still asleep or unconscious, and his face looks even more pale and papery than usual. Alby's wife backs Alby up, saying she's a fully registered nurse and can take care of Roman at home. Alby rudely says they want his father out of there, before Roman "picks up some truly virulent bacteria." He prefers it this way, the other way around.

Nicki's on the phone, sitting on her bed with her day planner, her pen, and her big box of stolen cash. She's talking to someone about cakes (plural), a chocolate fountain, a band, and a big sign on the door with "Henrickson-Marquart Party" on it, as well as her own name. It's like she's purposely spending as much money as she possibly can, and drawing as much attention to that fact as she possibly can. In other words, she's an idiot.

At the convention, Bill introduces Margene to Larry from Weber Gaming, and then vanishes to go schmooze some other people. Not that Margene cares; she starts babbling to Larry about how excited she is just to be here, at this sad little trade show. "I've never gotten to meet any of Bill's associates as his wife before," she says. Larry's confused, and asks how he usually introduces her. "He doesn't," Margene says. "I mean, he would, if I ever got to leave the house, but I'm the third wife. Which is kind of hard. I mean, I love people, I love talking to anyone about anything. You think the customers will like me?" Larry stops looking around for an escape route just long enough to tell Margene she's a natural. He really shouldn't encourage her.

Meanwhile, Bill gets a call on his cell phone. It's his dad, and Frank is pretty pissed at Bill. He accuses Bill of conspiring with Joey to set him up to marry Lois so they could "raid my assets." He seems to have forgotten about the big check Bill wrote him to do so, although maybe now he just sees that as seed money. Because he's Frank. Bill voices his disgust at how Frank always pretended to be broke and had Lois on welfare. "We had riches of the heart!" Frank protests. "That empty cavity in your chest?" Bill mocks. Well, it matches the one in Lois's, anyway. Frank delivers a very unpaternal putdown, and says they're not done. "Go to hell," Bill says, and hangs up. Enjoying the convention, are we?

Nicki rushes into the house with grocery bags to answer the phone, and immediately regrets it. That's because it's Alby, telling her the party is cancelled. Apparently Alby has a contact of his own at the Silver Slipper, and he tattled on Nicki to Alby. Too bad there's only one hotel with a party room in all of Utah. Nicki says she's allowed to host parties off the compound, but Alby's got a new objection: the party in question involves "an unsanctioned union." Nicki claims to be over all that (since this morning), and adds that Roman isn't dead yet. "So stop giving yourself such airs." Alby has an air for her right here: the party has been canceled. "Your ice sculptures are melting in the parking lot," he mocks. Ice sculptures? Jesus. Alby continues, "Call your guests and tell them it's off. Or they'll arrive to find a restaurant that won't let them in and a sad little hostess with egg all over her face." The mark of a true leader: not caring who he punishes as long as he gets to show who's boss.

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Big Love

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