Big Love
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I Saw What You Did Last Morning

Previously on My Three Wives: this poor, put-upon man with the three wives! They're constantly demanding sex and money and attention and it's just so hard having hot and cold running spouses! Also, at least one wife came bundled with the in-laws from Hell, although they'd be happy to tell you they're actually from the other side.

So we have the credits, and then we have a shot of the Henricksons' homes plus, and then we zoom into one home. Going by the noise, someone's a morning person. The camera zooms over and -- hey! Three minutes in and we've got a confirmed sighting of Bill's naked rear. He's valiantly pumping away at Margene and she is shrieking like it's the second coming. And perhaps for her, it is. (Rimshot!)

Out in the backyard, the other two wives are going about their morning business with the kids. They can hear Margene wailing away. Nicki gives Barb a look best summed up as, "The H?" Barb shoos Teeny inside, and Nicki snaps to her, "Can you believe it? It's like a train whistle!" Her delivery implies that man-locomotive coupling is sick, sad, and wrong. Barb and Nicki natter on a little more about this -- and work in a casual reference to grocery-swapping as Wayne burrows into Barb for comfort -- and Barb sighs, "She wasn't like this in the old house." Nicki totally cracks me up by snapping, "Well, she was out of the annex and her windows were double-paned." I don't know why I find the combination of Nicki and home-remodeling details hilarious, but I do. Margene is still carrying on -- at this point, I am not sure whether to be incredulous or envious -- and Barb gapes while Nicki swears this can't continue.

And in other boner-related plot developments: Ben is lying awake in bed. He rolls over to say good morning to his friend Jason with "I've got a boner." Jason is blasé about this: "You've always got a boner." There's some more talk of erections, and frankly, I am not clear what the point is here. That Ben's obsessed with sex? That one of them is mulling a future filled with multiple husbands and the other is not? That both of them are primed for a future together as Tom of Finland collectors?

Bill and Margene have finally finished, and they both look pleasantly wrecked. She grins up at him, "You're my blue-eyed boy, aren't you? My little ol' blue-eyed boy."

Cut to Barb furiously, resentfully whipping a bowlful of eggs with a wire whisk. Displacement activities much? She fumes, "Not discreet...that invites problems." Yeah, I'm so sure Barb's first thought is for others' delicate sensibilities. Nicki decides that she's going to talk to Margene about this, and Barb instantly protests, "She can't help it if she's too loud." Sarah has wandered into this conversation, and Barb immediately boots her back out of the kitchen to go check on the smaller kids. Poor Sarah -- it's like she gets the worst of all possible worlds: all the responsibilities of a sister-wife, all the bossing-around of a kid. Nicki snots that the loud is only one part of the problem: "They should be over here by now. They know we're doing breakfast. It's disrespectful." Barb concurs. A shirtless Ben wanders down, as does Jason; the other boy says hello to Barb without batting an eye, which implies a certain sanguinity with the Henricksons' homes plus. Barb sends Jason back up to put on a shirt, and then sends the kids to do all sorts of errands so that breakfast can get on the table. The idea of a huge family breakfast is also somewhat boggling to me, since I come from a house evenly split between the morning people and the normal humans, and in order to keep the family unit intact, we all agreed to rigorous social segregation in the mornings lest things be said and done that could not be unsaid and undone. Nicki continues to foment discontent, using the logic that anyone's "night" with Bill technically starts at 9 that morning (one can only assume every one of the Henricksons are early risers). Teeny comes back from her errand of summoning the happy humpers, holding a baby the size of her torso. Ben affectionately tickles the baby. It's sweet to see the older siblings being so affectionate to the younger ones.

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Big Love

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