Big Love
Where There's A Will

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Will They Or Won't They?

Anyway, Rhonda sits down on the bed, and both Heather and Sarah slide away from her. She excitedly explains that once she wins here, "I'm going to take a bus to New York City to become a professional actress." Heather's eyebrows were already raised in startlement, but the force of her skepticism nearly makes them fly off her forehead. She asks, "Really? How are you going to do that?" Rhonda explains, "I'm going to live in a dormitory house with a lot of other girls who are actresses. That way I'll be protected from sin." Right up until the moment they put the webcam in, honey. Sarah asks, "So you're just going to leave and not go to school?" and Rhonda casually replies, "I haven't gone to school since I was premaritally placed." Heather looks appalled to realize she's talking to a bona fide poofer. She asks what that means, and Rhonda says, with childish enthusiasm, "I'm getting sealed in September." She does not add how she plans to juggle her burgeoning acting career with a long-distance plural marriage to an octogenarian. Heather is horrified by this. It's hard to tell what's freaking her out more: that Rhonda's so young, or that Rhonda is apparently okay with this.

Some time later (we hope), Bill is consummating his marriage with Barb. He settles into postcoital babble mode, telling Barb he loves her, and she replies breathily, "And very well." Then Bill says, "You know, you haven't said anything about the Leadership League." No! Bad Bill! Someone fetch me a rolled-up newspaper so I can discipline him. What have I said about mood-killing conversations? Apparently, Barb's cool with it. Bill is totally thrilled about this, what with having applied to the Leadership League and been rejected nine years ago, and now they want him. Boy, Bill does not take rejection well at all, does he? He's all about extracting validation much later. I bet wives #4-6 are all old girlfriends who broke up with him -- he's just hound them until they're all, "Fine, whatever, just stick a fence on the pool and let Nicki have my night."

Barb looks over at Bill and smiles ruefully, "Aren't we the perfect LDS couple? Me, Mother of the Year, and you on the League." Bill says he wanted it so badly. Barb asks, "Do we still?" Bill doesn't see why not, but Barb points out, "We had temple recommends then. We're not those people now." Bill protests that they still live in the world, but Barb reminds him, "We decided not to live a public life if we could help it." And going up for statewide Mother of the Year helps you keep that low-profile private life how? Bill reasons, "We're always telling little lies. We live a life society doesn't accept." That totally justifies telling more lies. After all, nothing says "courage of your convictions" like skullduggery. Civil disobedience is for wussies!

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Big Love

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