Big Love
Where There's A Will

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Will They Or Won't They?

Barb points out that this will put pressure on her in re: Nicki and Margie, since she'll be the public Mrs. Bill Henrickson, and the two of them will (resentfully) do the heavy lifting at home. Bill finally asks how being Mother of the Year is so different. Barb says, "Beehive Mother of the Year is a silly little event. One night as Cinderella at the Governor's mansion, and then it's nothing." Bill has his nose all out of joint because Barb has the temerity to point out that Bill's actions may affect his family. Well, maybe you should have thought about that before taking wives two and three.

Out at Juniper Creek, we see the reason that Holloway's got such a fine-looking garden: he bosses the wives relentlessly, and they do all the work while he supervises from his scooter. How nice it must be to play Simon LeGree in your own backyard. This gardener's Eden is about to be disrupted: we see a humvee rolling down the road. Holloway looks at it, and he appears to know what's coming next.

A drama competition! Alby's doing Brick's monologue about Skipper from Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. Oh, I'm kidding. This is the drama competition Rhonda's going to. A man whom I dub Herr Kickenankel, for reasons that will become apparent later, is reading off the finalists. Rhonda sits in serene anticipation, sure that she'll be included. When she is not, she looks baffled. Then she collects herself, walks down to the bottom of the auditorium and taps Herr Kickenankel on the shoulder. He turns from the finalists and she tells him, "There's a mistake. There must be a Rhonda Vollmer on the list?" Herr Kickenankel is all, "No...no Rhonda Vollmer" and she asks, "Is it because of how I'm dressed? Where I'm from? It has to be -- because I'm good." Herr Kickenankel says, "Every contestant is judged strictly on their merits." He turns back to his prior conversation. This shocks the hell out of Rhonda, who has grown accustomed to mowing over dissent thanks to her pending nuptials. She kicks Herr Kickenankel in the ankle, then stalks off in a fit of pique.

As Rhonda strides outside in a snit, Heather and Sarah's conversation becomes audible. Heather says, "I told her I volunteered on Orrin Hatch's campaign. She asked who he was. So I said that he was in the Senate. She didn't know who that was either. So I tested her, and she's never, ever heard of Dick Cheney or Iraq. She knew who George Bush was -- she said she wasn't sure, but 'the leader'?" Now, there's no reason to bust Rhonda's chops for confusing "the decider" with "the leader." Sarah points out, "It's not just the girls, either. When my dad got kicked out, he didn't know that Europe existed." Heather is still incredulous that Rhonda doesn't know who George Bush is, adding, but she knows American Idol? And this stupid competition? She's fifteen years old, and she's about to get married to Roman Grant?"

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Big Love

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