Big Love
Where There's A Will

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Will They Or Won't They?

At the same swanky country club where Nicki once proposed a puppy party for Wayne: Bill is on the phone, trying to hustle a second mortgage to swing the share buyout. That he's conducting this business in a richly-paneled locker room is apparently not a big deal. Seriously, there are probably uniformed attendants who spritz atomizers filled with the scents of mahogany and alligator skin and new $100 bills, just so everyone feels right at home here. Stuart meets Bill and begins nattering on about how Bill's golf clubs are being cleaned by the attendants and oh, the rich aroma of privilege, etc. Then Stuart transitions into tricky territory: "I heard you lecture a few years ago, and you were so passionate about your life story -- your polygamist origins and how you were saved by the church. It was truly inspirational." Bill tries to distance himself from the days before he became a big fat hypocrite, and Stuart chortles that he's never forgotten those speeches. He adds, "What they do to those boys." Yes. Because men are the REAL victims of polygamy. Anyway, Stuart calls the whole business "a blight on Mormon-dom," and okay, Big Love. We get that you may have caught some flack because ig'nant people nationwide are watching this and asking, "So are Mormons for polygamy and near-constant exposure to Bill Paxton's naked hinders, or just the group marriage thing?" Anyway, as if to twist the knife further, Stuart continues, "You know what you are, Bill? You're the quintessential embodiment of the American dream. The certainty that enormous opportunities are available if you work hard, no matter where you're from." Stuart walks off before Bill can say, "Yes, and sometimes you go back to where you're from for those opportunities too."

Late that night, Rhonda's asking Sarah if she'd like to pray together. Sarah explains that she doesn't really do that so much anymore. So Rhonda's show Evening Devotion: A Comedy of Manners will be a monologue. She recites, "Heavenly Father, thank you for this lovely day, and thank You for letting me attend this lovely tournament. I know you will help me succeed. And thank you for bringing me close again to my step-niece and granddaughter-in-law, Sarah." Said step-niece (does this mean Rhonda's related to Wanda somehow?) and granddaughter-in-law looks righteously wigged by this. Rhonda then petitions the Lord to keep tabs on Roman (God: "Already on it. And not for the reasons you think.") As the girls settle down, Rhonda attempts to poison the well by saying sweetly that Sarah shouldn't trust Heather. Sarah just rolls her eyes at the little iPod thief and snaps off the light. Rhonda comments to the dark and quiet room how nice it is to listen to the hum of the air conditioning. Ah, Roman. How are you going to keep them down on the compound once they've seen the big suburban lights?

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Big Love

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