This show really is just awful, so I'm just going to get on with it. Brody has a regular sex night with his wife, but she's bored with it and wants to spice things up by having him wax his balls. When she promises to up the sex to twice a week, he goes through with it, painfully. And he doesn't seem to enjoy it, either. Karl and Marla are...still screwing? And still going to couples therapy? There, Marla tells Karl she's dumping him because she likes Wendy too much, but then freaks when he doesn't put up a fight for her. Marla then goes to cry in Wendy's lap, literally, although she doesn't tell Wendy that Karl was her boyfriend. Wendy bags on a date with Karl to hang out with Marla, and soon all three of them are in with THE SAME THERAPIST, har. Marla and Karl eventually split custody of Wendy, which...oddly seems about right, actually. James is getting calls from Stacey, and she eventually comes to see him at work. She has no decent explanation for why she cheated on him, but James decides to give her another chance anyway. He hasn't been home two minutes, though, before some detective shows up and says that his dead boss Walter had traces of arsenic in his system, which was partially responsible for his death. The detective seems to suspect that James was involved, and look, it's not like I want to remember anything about this show, but if I can recall that Walter's wife, who was presumably his beneficiary, LOATHED him, the detective should be able to figure out that James can't be the only suspect here. However, James overhears the detective questioning Stacey, and she tells him that Walter's wife found out about the affair and filed for divorce right before he died, and Stacey also says she loved him, which she totally denied to James earlier. God, get rid of this mealy-mouthed bitch already, please! Also, the Widow Bossman did in fact poison her husband, and James asks Stacey for a divorce. It's sad when he has to leave his kids behind, but still: about freakin' time. Dontrelle comes to see Duncan at work and, to clear her guilty conscience, confesses that she taped Duncan on the reporter's behalf. Duncan's solution is to bone the reporter, but while she's happy to do that, she doesn't drop the story in return. Brody takes it upon himself to call in a favor and break into the woman's apartment while Duncan stands guard. Of course, she "unexpectedly" comes home, so Duncan ends up nailing her again while Brody's hidden under the bed, and I'd be hard pressed to decide which was the most predictable part of that sequence. Anyway, Brody doesn't find the tape, but he does find some deposit slips for a lot of money. Meanwhile, Lisbeth is dating some Englishman named "Terrence," to Duncan's dismay, but it just so happens that it was Terrence who paid the reporter! Doesn't that tie things up in a neat little...sorry, I drooled all over the keyboard and had to wait for it to dry. And although Duncan gets the tape back, Dontrelle gets arrested, and the cop takes her client book. There's also some nonsense about a business deal I won't get into here, Cam and Nia Long rock the house again in sadly limited appearances, and Vartan fails to take his shirt off yet again. Why, ye gods, why?
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My God, this show. Right down to the episode title. Brody's the hairless one, okay, but he's not tall or dark, so who's tall? Who's dark? Who got left out? Well, I guess if you label Vartan as the tall and McDermott as the dark, you can leave out Malina, which works for me. Forget I said anything!
Establishing shot of a private jet; inside, Brody gets a phone call from his wife, who's impatiently waiting for him at home, since it's their weekly sex night. He whines that he's in a G5, but she's apparently unmoved, so he asks the flight attendant if the plane can go any faster. Sure. "Air traffic regulations be damned! My basically nonexistent wife needs some!" We also get the chyron introducing us to Brody (and to the other three principals in turn), but I ain't recapping that again.
We fly into a hotel room on Central Park South where, under a sheet, two bodies are doing their best to writhe passionately without actually touching each other. Nevertheless, we're supposed to believe that Karl and Marla just had a hot, sweaty session, at least according to the glistening sheen on both of them that some PA no doubt slaved away to perfect. On another note, why is Marla still sleeping with Karl? I mean, as ridiculous as this show is, it should follow its own storylines, and last we knew, Marla despised Karl. Karl compliments "that thing" she did with her elbow, and I'd be willing to do something to him with my elbow, but I somehow doubt he'd find it that pleasant. Elbows as erotica? Am I really that sheltered? Marla says they need to talk, but not here...
...and then Brody and Marla are in couples therapy again, like, what? I know this show is trying to amuse with its "Look how silly and ridiculous we are! Isn't that funny?" No, it's just not. There's no reason, even within the preposterousness of the show, that Marla and Brody need to have this conversation here. The therapist adds nothing. I mean, they're trying to do the unexpected, which is one of the essences of comedy, but you can't fall into the completely inane while doing so. And also, they've beaten this joke into the ground already, not that they're remotely close to done. If the whole show were farce, maybe, but you can't have a "look how hilarious infidelity is!" subplot alongside James being devastated at his marriage breaking up. Doesn't work. Okay, I'll stop now. Except for the part where they change Karl's company from "Fidelity Pharmaceuticals" to "Devotion Pharmaceuticals," like the idea behind that joke was so funny but they just didn't quite pick the right word the first time! Groan.
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