Bionic Woman

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C | Grade It Now!

Elsewhere, Starbot is playing poker with some scary-looking dudes in a generic smoky locale, using the expression "I'll raise you all in," which I certainly never heard in my brief travels through watching poker on TV. I mean, yes, "all in," certainly. But "raise you all in"? I am not convinced that's correct. (But don't email me; I don't care enough.) Sarah tries some transparent quasi-feminist bravado about how all the fellas are "scared little boys," which is so damn boring as a way to go here that it's really a big relief when Jae and the cavalry come running in with guns drawn. The poker guys hide as Jae orders Starbot to put her hands on her head. Playing her capture cool, Starbot starts chattering to everyone about her relationship with Jae, how it's "an on-again, off-again sort of thing." She explains, "I killed all those people, he shot me in the head...our friends calls us the Bickersons." It's kind of funny. Kind of. But they've gone to this well much too often with this character, and there's not enough other stuff going on. She continues along these lines while falling in line and volunteering her wrists for cuffing. Now call me crazy, but I'm thinking cuffs don't do much to her, no? I mean, why bother? But bother they do.

Credits of people behind frosted glass! You know, I was trying to figure out where I'd seen this before, visually speaking, and I realized that in the classic Sunday-afternoon romantic comedy Doc Hollywood, this is just what the plastic surgeon's office (said plastic surgeon being played by George Hamilton) looks like. It's hard to explain, but true, and if you like to watch that movie whenever it's on as I do ("Get off the interstate, Ben Stone..."), then you know what I mean. It's just another way that everything goes back to George Hamilton, you know?

We return to find Jonas looking at a picture of Jaime's toe, instructing her that she owes him a little more than twenty-seven grand for breaking it. She asks how he found out, and he ignores the question, lecturing her instead on how her bionics are for world-saving, not sister-harassing. She calls him on his "proprietary attitude" about her body (hee), and just then, they're interrupted by Antonio, Brooding Fun-Killer. Jonas shows Antonio and Jaime a video of a guy in a crude-looking video being stood over by masked men as he announces his name, says he's an American doctor, he's working in Paraguay, and that he'll be killed unless...and then it trails off. I'll tell you, I'm very, very uncomfortable with this setup being used for a show this silly. These are not times for campy presentations of people being held captive and shown on video pleading for their lives. Kind of...uncomfortable, at least to my eye. At any rate, Jonas explains that the group holding this fellow, Stevens, claims that he's CIA, and he has "incredibly sensitive information," and he'll be beheaded (and...more of the same, see above re: maybe not as fodder for this show) in forty-eight hours if the CIA doesn't admit that he's working for them. Which, obviously, they will not do. Antonio wonders why this isn't the military's problem, and Jonas explains that Paraguay won't allow the military to do anything there. So Antonio and Jaime are being sent. Jaime protests that she can't just up and leave Becca, but Jonas promises her that Becca will be carefully watched, and that Jaime will just have to make up something to tell her to explain the absence.

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Bionic Woman




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