Bionic Woman

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C | Grade It Now!

Men run from all directions toward the intruders. A passel of dudes with guns come up and point their weapons at Jaime and Antonio. We push in on Jaime's terrified face. And...commercials.

Berkut. Jonas is looking over Jae's shoulder as Jae thoughtfully watches Starbot on a monitor. "Beauty is supposed to be the mark God sets upon virtue," Jonas says. Well, I'm glad he didn't open with a cliché or a platitude or anything like that. Jae comments on Starbot's obvious lack of virtue. Jonas insists that he tried to help Sarah, and Jae insists back that Jonas should be trying to help her now, rather than making her an "enemy." Jonas counters that Starbot knows where Papa Dorkus is and needs to tell them, and Jae continues to suffer, and Jonas tells Jae that if he really wants to help Starbot, he should "help her help herself." Jae leaves. I wonder if he's going to shoot her or have sex with her? Because he enjoys both.

Hooded, Jaime and Antonio are led down a hallway that looks suspiciously like the dirty, dark hallways of Berkut. Or ones that were put there by the same art director. At the end of the hall, their hoods are removed, and they face a menacing bald guy who looks over them with contempt. As they are walked past Baldie and Jaime frets that they're going to be killed, Antonio babbles at her about losing her fear, going bionic, and the fact that either way, this is going to get them to Stevens. Because...hostages are always housed in the same place? Antonio gets a punch in the stomach from one of the guards in return for continuing to mutter at Jaime, and once again, I would watch the that-guy-gets-beat-up sequences for a long time, it turns out.

Hey, it turns out there is always a standard hostage holding room! Because Antonio and Jaime are dumped into a small room with none other than the Stevens they're looking for. Baldie basically tells Stevens that bad things are going to happen to him if he doesn't decode his flash drive for them, but even worse things will happen to Jaime. Stevens insists he's doing his best, but Baldie holds a machete to Jaime's neck for "inspiration." Stevens protests that the encryption is blah-blah (military for "really hard"), and he's going as fast as he can. Antonio abruptly tells Jaime to get a move on, fighting-wise, so she kicks at the guy who appears to be about to cut her head off, and now -- fighting! Stevens cowers while Jaime and Antonio, both still cuffed, manage to fight off several guards. Not too believable, that. When the fight is mostly over, a dude comes crashing through the door, but Antonio literally shoots the guy with his hands tied behind his back. It's kind of glam, in its way, but I don't give a damn about Antonio, so it doesn't really work. Jaime, Antonio, and a confused Dr. Stevens survey the carnage.

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Bionic Woman




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