Bionic Woman
Paradise Lost

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Paradise Lost

And now, Jae. Formerly known as Shadowy, Jae is the trainer who shot Starbot a couple of times in our premiere. At the moment, he is running toward the camera to begin the training sequence. He and Jaime fight, and Jaime keeps flashing back to her battle with Starbot. And they fight more, and fight more, until Jaime crashes into a set of shelving that the Berkus Group apparently bought at Target, considering how easily it falls over. Jaime stops and stares at Jae, who asks her whether this reminds her of fighting Starbot Corvis. Of course, it does. Jae says that Starbot used a sort of combat program in fighting Jaime, so he obviously knew exactly how it would have gone down. And it seems that Jaime also has "combat programming," which is how she knew how to defend herself. Jae tells her that she isn't "invincible" just because she's part 'bot. "The machine is nothing without the woman," he says meaningfully, only in part because he knows what it's like to have sex with the machine.

We now watch for an unnecessarily long time as Jaime performs one-arm pull-ups that might as well be done in Claymation for all the gritty realism they possess. Jae also puts a stopwatch on Jaime's running. And then more pull-ups, which...see, I don't understand the exercise element. Do you really have to work out if you have a bionic arm? I'd think you wouldn't need to. I'd think that would be one of the advantages. Anyway, Jae and Jaime fight more, with lots of "HYAH! HYAH! HYAH!" thrown in to make it gritty. And then Jaime drops Jae to the ground and kicks a giant metal post, apparently for effect. Clang!

Later, they debrief. Jae tells her she can run at least sixty miles an hour, she can break a brick with her arm, she can bend steel, she has 2000/20 vision (meaning she can see from 2000 feet away the way most people can from twenty feet), and her ear can pick out conversations two miles away. He tells her that if she works hard, she can become "one of the most powerful weapons ever developed." I'm sorry; is that the incentive? Is that on the motivational exercise video? "Keep going; you'll make a boffo weapon!" He also tells her that if she fails, she'll go insane. Wow. That's the side effect I guess they would mention if they made commercials for bionic parts. "Side effects may include going batshit crazy. Talk to your doctor."

Jaime asks if this insanity is what happened to Starbot, and Jae says he's not sure. Jaime asks if he was in love with her (which she would know...how?), and he wants to know where she heard that. "I'm a bartender; we hear things," she says. You heard...that? At the bar? Is she being coy? I'm so confused. Jaime asks him if he still loves her. "I don't know if 'love' is the word," he says thoughtfully. "She killed fourteen of our agents, and I shot her in the head." Now there's some of the dialogue I'm looking for. "I can see how that experience might stay with a person," says Jaime. Jae says that irrespective of what's happened in the past, he's loyal to the agency, and Starbot is the enemy now. Jae changes the subject by asking what kind of training she wants to do next, but she tells him no more training -- she wants to get some "real bad guys." He tells her that's not his decision, she asks whose decision it is, and...

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14Next

Bionic Woman

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP