Bionic Woman
Second Chances

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Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
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Second Chances

"So what did they replace?" Starbot petulantly asks, in what I have to think is a breach of some sort in bionic etiquette. Like touching a baby bump, no? She says she figures they did the eyes and ears. Starbot herself says she had both arms and both legs done, and one eye. She reports that she did the other eye herself, as well as "part of [her] chest." Er...really? "I'm cutting away all the parts of me that are weak," says Starbot, who is apparently being written by the Tell Don't Show school of dramatic presentation. Starbot takes one last drag on her cigarette, throws it on the ground, and says, "Time in." Oooh! Bionic fighting ensues, and I'd really like to say that I find it amazing and cool, but the way it's shot, it's got the thing where it's all extreme close-ups and cuts so fast that you can't really follow the structure of the fight. Like, certain things happen: Starbot gets Jaime by the throat and realizes that Jaime only has one bionic arm; Starbot passes up some obvious opportunities to kill Jaime easily to go for more intricately choreographed methods; Jaime dangles from the edge of the roof by a piece of torn-out fencing; blah blah. But it's really just...fighting. Lots of fighting, lots of snarling, lots of lady-fu. Finally, Jaime asks, "How'm I doin' now?" And Starbot's all, "Not bad. Not bad at all." It's like they're suddenly starring in An Officer And A Gentlebionicwoman, and Starbot's the tough old drill sergeant. They are interrupted when a helicopter shines a spotlight on them, and Starbot flees. So...there was all that fighting, and nobody won? Interesting. Nice use of fighting, there, guys.

Denouement! At what appears to be dawn, Miguel pulls up to find P.Dorkus being loaded into an ambulance, attended by a couple of cops as well as Ruth and Shadowy. He asks if P.Dorkus will make it, but they're distracted, because they're looking over his shoulder at an approaching Jaime, who is emerging like some kind of budding icon who will totally permeate the culture as she walks toward them, soaking but unbowed. Miguel comes over to talk to her as the rain continues to pound. She asks who he is, and he says that she has $50 million in things belonging to him inside her body, so he's her "landlord." She asks what he wants, and he says maybe she died three days ago and hasn't realized it. Eh? She asks if he's threatening her, and he says that she's eventually going to face a choice: "Heads, you lose; tails, you die." Hmm. Not very helpful, there. "Welcome to the game," he says. As he goes to leave, she stops him with a "hey." She says: "If we do this, whatever this is, we do it on my terms. If that's not okay with you, I know what I'm capable of now." Of course, as the EEFPs pointed out, you would expect at this point that he'd say, "Well, if you don't want to do it on our terms, I can always hit the switch that eradicates your brain function and turns you into a character from The Hills," but apparently, they don't install any kind of controller or kill switch when they put in the robot parts. She goes on to tell Miguel, "You send whoever you send, and I'll bury one guy after the next." AAAGH! You can't bury one guy after the next guy! You have to bury each guy after the last guy! The next guy hasn't been there yet; that's what makes him the next guy! By definition, if you bury him after the other guy, that makes him the next guy, and now the next guy is the last guy! I hate that.

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Bionic Woman

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