Birds of Prey
Devil's Eyes

Episode Report Card
Daniel: C+ | 2 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Extinction

Outside Dr. Quinzel's office, someone is drizzling soap flakes or something while Helena babbles on about how good she feels, saying she feels "born again" only without the "diapers or the crying," and unfortunately also without the inability to speak. And she has on a half-shirt, like, it's long-sleeved but it doesn't even cover her breasts. And I'm not saying that's necessarily bad, but she also has a dress on, so there's this weird peek-a-boo cleavage thing going on, but I can't figure out what the point of that shirt is for the life of me. And Quinzel goes on about people using the "birthing method" to express just how Helena's feeling, only she manages not to use the phrase "whack job" somehow. And she's wearing a black cocktail dress, and maybe they never make any progress in therapy because they always look like they're about to hit the town together. And Quinzel's excited about Helena revealing her secret identity to her, "albeit inadvertently," if you can call NOT ACTUALLY BOTHERING TO KEEP IT A SECRET "INADVERTENT." "You're defined by you. Not the bartender, not the crime-fighter. You," says Quinzel, and Helena gets all "pleased to meet me" like it's some sort of breakthrough to get Helena to be narcissistic.

Quinzel wants to do an exercise that involves Helena closing her eyes, which Helena says she doesn't "do," but Quinzel says "you can trust me," only Helena fixes her a look that says she does not at all trust Quinzel, which only makes it weirder that she does then close her eyes. And this exercise involves identifying whether it is Huntress or Helena answering the questions, AS IF there is any difference in the two identities. And we don't need to get into the whole "what secret identity" debate here yet again, I guess. Only when Quinzel warns Helena her secret might get out, she says, "You can't keep your finger in the dyke forever," and there is really only so much my inner twelve-year-old can handle. At any rate, Helena's dialogue is supposed to refer obliquely to Quinzel, like when she says the less people know about you, the bigger edge you have -- that sort of thing. And then Quinzel asks who knows Helena best and Helena says "Alfred and Barbara," and Quinzel wants to know who Alfred is, and Helena offers up a lot of sensitive information about Alfred Pennyworth being her dad's butler, who has always taken care of her and the "others," and Quinzel gets excited about this "others" business and I'm not sure why Helena gave Quinzel a suspicious look if she was just about to start running her mouth. Anyway, Helena suggests that the secretive nature of the Birds of Prey operation is changing, since Barbara told someone, "and I think it's someone she's falling in love with." And then she is offering up Wade's full name as well as where he works and Quinzel jokes that Helena ought to take out a full-page ad to unload all her secrets "in one fell swoop." And Quinzel says secrets "strain the soul" and "paralyze the body," and meanwhile she is circling Helena slowly and closely and speaking very breathily and trying to make us think they're finally going to kiss, only she turns her head and says they're out of time. And Helena thanks her, and they hug, and Quinzel gets all "no, thank you" all creepily as she says that this has been every bit as satisfying for her as it was for Helena.

And it's bad enough that every single business on this show is named "New Gotham [name of product or service here]" like "New Gotham Bakery" or "New Gotham Hotel," but the city planning commission is now apparently just randomly putting up neon "New Gotham" signs all over the place like the one outside the next set, which features some elaborate technological setup that's called a "metahuman transfer system," according to the guy who played Kenny Banya on Seinfeld, who's filling the "mad scientist" role, which never gets old at all, and seated in one chair in the contraption is Quinzel, and there's some unidentified person with a bag over his head, like, here's someone who knows how to keep a secret identity. And Quinzel's getting annoyed because Banya, the fretful mad scientist, keeps saying things like "it's not synched up" and it's "not calibrated," and finally Quinzel goads him into just trying it. And the power goes out, and there's a cheesy blue electrical current running over the machine. And the hooded guy writes, and Quinzel's either smiling or grimacing. Then the machine grinds to a halt and the lights come back on and the hooded guy is smoking, and Banya starts yelling and rips the guy's hood off, and Banya is yelling that the guy's dead and the machine is ruined, and Quinzel says it doesn't matter, not if the transfer was successful, and she wants to test it. And her eyes go all black and yellow and spirally like she now has the power to turn her eyes into screensavers. And she says, "Will you do anything I ask?" and Banya says yes, and Quinzel instructs him to, in order, pat his head, hop, and then run and jump out the window. Which he does, prompting much cackling from Quinzel.

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