Birds of Prey

Episode Report Card
admin: D+ | 1 USERS: F
Let's get ready to bumble

Sirens sound in the distance as we descend into another deserted Gotham street, which is pretty much where every Birds of Prey episode begins. A lone blonde woman strides by the closed "New Gotham Bar and Grill," pausing for a moment to rummage through her purse for no reason we're privy to, other than so we can see a shadowy figure in the alley next to her. Rummaging finished, she continues on her way, and Shadowy Man On A Shadowy Street starts to follow her. Suddenly realizing that she hears two sets of footsteps, the woman turns and says, "What do you want?" Shadowy Dude lifts his head, and we see that his right eye is fused shut by a mass of what appears to be scar tissue. "I've been watching you," he says, albeit with impaired depth perception, I would imagine. The woman backs away, holding her hands up and warning Scarface not to come any closer; tendrils of electricity are rippling along her fingers. However, Scarface says it's her electric hands that attracted him to her, and he shoots her with some sort of dart gun thingy. He shoots her twice, once to deflect her electric hands -- which shoot some electricity up into a transformer for some sparking special effects -- and again in the chest. "You see, I have been watching you," says Scarface again, although I don't remember anyone disputing that. The woman, somewhat unnerved by the presence of a yellow dart sticking out of her chest, turns to run, and we get a quick zoom in to Helena, who's standing there in her new haircut. It's shorter, I think, or more aerodynamic. Actually, I'm not entirely sure what's been done to it, but it's different enough for a boyfriend to notice and earn brownie points by commenting favourably on it. That's the best kind of haircut!

Anyway, this is where you think the woman might say, "Um, you know, I realize you're supposed to stand there posed with your hands behind your back all dramatically confrontational, but can I get a little help here?" Instead, she just says "run" and collapses on the street. I mean, really, was Helena there the whole time? Watching Shadowy Scarface shoot helpless women with electric hands? Well, at least Helena breaks the woman's fall a bit, but just barely, since she's too busy concentrating on delivering her little line about how running is not really her "style" with her trademark iciness.

Shadowy Man doesn't want to find out just what her style is, and turns to run, but standing behind him is Dinah, who tells him he picked the wrong night to hit the town. She unleashes some kung fu on him, sending him reeling back to Helena, who gives him some fists of fury of her own. This distresses Dinah greatly, since apparently Helena told her she could "have" this one. She pouts while Huntress beats up the bad dude. "Like there's not enough scumbags in New Gotham," says Huntress, adding, "'course, they're not usually this ugly," like, maybe he's sensitive about his facial deformity, and taunts from people like Helena are what turned him evil in the first place. She beats on the guy for a while, but the power pole hit by the electricity starts to spark some more, and the stellar editing of this show lets us know that this puts unconscious woman in Grave Danger. "Dinah!" shouts Helena as the pole topples toward the woman. Dinah lifts up her hand, using her telekinesis to suspend the pole in mid-fall. Scarface uses the momentary distraction to make a break for it. "I got it!" says Dinah, and I have to say that this display of Dinah's power -- holding up her hand and furrowing her brow -- sure is easy on the show's special effects budget.

Scarface gets his special gun as Helena tries to decide what to do, finally running over to pull the woman out of harm's way before Dinah lets the pole drop. Dinah then bitches Helena out for letting the dude get away, even though he's doing nothing of the sort; he hasn't made much progress. He's still only a couple dozen yards away, watching the proceedings instead of getting his escape on, and I realize the show has been cancelled, but it would still be nice if everyone could at least act like they give a shit. Helena just tells Dinah to "relax," because "the head start makes the chase more fun." This prompts eye-rolling in Dinah, as well as myself.

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Birds of Prey




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