Birds of Prey

Episode Report Card
Daniel: D+ | 1 USERS: F
Let's get ready to bumble

Back at the Clocktower, Dinah is working out, using sticks to pound the crap out of some punching column thing. We can tell she's enraged due to her ferocity and her loud, irritating grunting. Helena comes in. "Did you talk to Gibson?" she says. "No, I played pool!" yells Dinah at the top of her lungs. And when Helena asks what Gibson said, Dinah yells, "He said a junior crime-fighter like me should run and hide!" punctuating her lines with whacks of the punching bag, and if you took all of Dinah's annoying scenes thus far in the series, rolled them all together and multiplied by 10, that's how much my eyes are bleeding right now, as Dinah yells about how a good a superhero she's become, et cetera. And you're thinking, "You know, does 'Dinah proves herself' have to be the subplot of every episode?" and then Dinah says she could probably take on Helena in a fight. And since we know this episode is about a villain who pits metahuman women against each other in some sort of Meta-Foxy Boxing, you know exactly how this is going to play out. I mean, you know how every episode is going to play out, but still. Anyway, Helena smirkingly declines Dinah's invitation to fight as Barbara summons Helena, who advises Dinah to go rent Rocky, but Dinah just resumes whaling on the punching bag.

Back in the computer lab, Barbara tells Helena that a Clara Fordhart (or something -- I couldn't quite make it out) has just gone missing, and she is indeed meta. "Called Gibson. He knows her," says Barbara. "I'm going to kill that creep," says Helena, and I hope there's a metahuman out there with the power to correct unclear antecedents, as Helena just vowed to kill Gibson. Meanwhile, Barbara's been analyzing the hairs from the dead woman that Reese gave Helena. There are traces of a material found in granite. "And this is nerd-worthy because…" prompts Helena. Barbara says there's hardly any granite left in New Gotham. "The entire city was built on tectonically engineered slabs after the earthquake that toppled…Old Gotham," she says, pausing as something dawns on her, but can I just point out what a ridiculously contrived explanation that was, and maybe Barbara could explain what all the giant stone buildings in New Gotham are built with if not granite, and maybe we wouldn't have to put up with these wildly implausible leaps of logic in order to surmise that the victim had been in the vast, complex, heretofore-unmentioned labyrinthine tunnels of Old Gotham that still exist below the sewers. Barbara figures that's how Ol' One-Eye got away so fast. Helena decides to head back to where she lost the guy.

Barbara's about to get Dinah, but Helena stops her, saying she wants to do this one solo, since the guy out there is targeting metahuman women like Dinah. Barbara points out Helena's also metahuman, which is why it's important that they work together. Barbara tells Helena she can't shelter Dinah forever. "Just this once," says Helena. Once? Once? Try practically every episode. Barbara reluctantly agrees. As Helena leaves, she's accosted by Alfred, who's carrying a pair of hip waders, since she'll be in the sewers and he knows how much she hates to get her shoes wet. "Not as much as I hate being a fashion don't," sniffs Helena, and traipses off. "Crime-fighting today," clucks Alfred. "It's all about style over substance." Meanwhile, shut up, Alfred.

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Birds of Prey




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