Birds of Prey

Episode Report Card
Daniel: D+ | 1 USERS: F
Let's get ready to bumble

Back at Gladiatrix, it's chow time. The prison guards slop plates of food under the bars of the cells -- only Claire Green Eyes doesn't get any, which pisses her off royally; she starts yelling and rattling the bars of her cage. The guard tells her she's fighting tonight and can eat after she fights. "I'm hungry!" screeches Claire, and I think she and Dinah went to the same acting school. Helena passes over her food, but it's not a major sacrifice or anything, since dinner is just a bowl of beige mush. Nevertheless, Claire greedily grabs at it, but pauses, suspicious. She asks what Helena did to it, assuming that she put something in it. Helena tells her to quit sniffing glue and just eat the food. Instead, Claire flies into a rage, pleasing Scarface, who's just shown up. He says the drug is working. Then, to Helena, "Your anger will become more intense, even harder to control over time" -- which is weird, since if anything Helena's even more emotionless than normal -- "until pop!" he finishes. Helena wants to know why he's doing this. He facetiously says that she may have noticed his otherwise flawless good looks contain a slight imperfection, so we can all get a good look at the putty on his eye again. He says it's tended to cause women to lose interest in him, and you kind of want to tell him that pitting women against each other in grim death matches isn't going to score him a lot of tail either. It's not just the pretty ones who reject him, either. "I've tried whores, skanks, even freaks like you," he says, and how Helena didn't bust out laughing at Scarface trying to be all menacing as he admits that he "tried skanks" is beyond me. He wonders how a "walking aberration" like Helena could dare to reject him, and Helena sarcastically calls him the "perfect package." He glares at her and suggests that they have a little fun before she starts fighting and loses her looks, like, he's one to talk; she says they should have some fun right now, and he says "fun" again, and it was kind of like that bit on The Simpsons where Homer and George Bush are fighting and arguing with each other about how there's going to be trouble. Only this wasn't funny or clever or anything. Scarface walks out, leaving Helena to make apprehensive faces for about five hours.

Back at the Clocktower, Dinah is only now starting to move her whiny ass to go after Helena; she bounds down the spiral staircase, informing that Barbara she's going after Huntress. She warns Barbara not to tell her not to go, and launches into a spiel about finding Helena before something bad happens to her and blah blah blah. "I won't," says Barbara. "Won't what?" says Dinah. Duh. "Tell you not to go," says Barbara. And Dinah gets all shiny and happy as Barbara gives her yet another speech along the lines of "you can do it" and just how many damn scenes like this do we have to be subjected to? Dinah's mood swings are starting to scare me. Barbara then tells her that she's retuned Dinah's comm set and put a booster on it so they shouldn't have the same problem as Helena's comm set, which sort of makes one wonder why the comm sets aren't just as powerful as Barbara can make them all the time, but the answer is, naturally, that Helena's comm set conking out merely because she was underground was a completely contrived attempt to inject some drama. Dinah strides dramatically to the door, pausing only to allow Barbara to say, "Bring her back."

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Birds of Prey




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