Birds of Prey
Lady Shiva

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Daniel: C | Grade It Now!
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Viva Lady Shiva

Back at the Clocktower, Helena's laughing at the idea of Batman returning to take out a mere street punk. "It is ridiculous, isn't it?" she says. Barbara says it is and explains that Batman never crossed the line and killed anyone, which seems to surprise Helena, because remember she's so cold-blooded herself and everything. She wonders who the killer is (who's also committing "copyright infringement"). Barbara, having printed out a picture of the throwing star on her awfully slow printer, tells Helena about Lady Shiva, who left throwing stars as her signature. Oh, but it can't be her, because she's "dead" and I never get tired of superheroes saying things like "It can't be her! She's dead!" as if death means anything in these superhero universes.

You know, if I wanted to watch Degrassi Junior High, I would. Hell, sometimes I do. However, I'd prefer watching hot lesbian scantily clad superheroes kicking people. Not that Birds of Prey delivers that exactly, but still it's a little annoying to be taken back to Dinah's classroom where she's finally over the shame of being called "Zipper Girl" and has a cute blonde friend named Gabby. And Dinah's staring at a guy in her class. Not the advisable surreptitious stealing glances kind of smiling, but doe-eyed head in hands full-on staring at him. Gabby notices her staring at this guy, who's named Matt Kendall, and tells her to ask the guy to the dance. "I thought we decided the dance was going to be lame," says Dinah, so I guess these she and Gabby are supposed to be some sort of Christina Ricci/Ghost World type of smug high-school outsiders, but whatever. Gabby is "changing the forecast" because of the "possible slow-dance potential" between Dinah and "the hottest guy in school." And at some point she says "Carpe diem," and maybe Robin Williams should make another inspirational teacher movie with another handy two-word inspirational phrase so we could retire "carpe diem" already. Gabby and Dinah decide to pull the old lab-partner switcheroo, so Dinah can be Matt's partner. Gabby takes the girl that Matt was originally partnered with, while Dinah sashays over to Matt, who gives her a "sure, whatever" when she introduces herself and tells him about the change. She babbles on for a while about dissecting frogs, and when they accidentally touch hands, she does her little psychic flash thingy, and all it consists of is Matt sitting in the science lab listening to his Walkman, lips pursed all "rocking out" style, and we get a glimpse of the CD, which is "The Mighty Toms" which is presumably the crappy song we're hearing right now. After they break contact (Matt says "what was that?" and Dinah says, "static electricity") Dinah starts humming the butt-rock riff she just heard, so Matt freaks and gets all "you're into the Mighty Toms?" and Dinah says, "Their latest CD was awesome," as if anyone talks like that. But Matt's impressed with her musical taste, even if he can't remember her name and calls her "Donna."

Back at the Clocktower, Barbara's working as Alfred brings her some tea. "So, think Lady Shiva has returned?" he asks her, and she chastises him for listening in while he gets mock-offended at the insinuation. She tells him the telltale throwing stars have been showing up at "top-dollar mercenary jobs" ("headhunter," get it now?) around the world over the last couple of years. This concerns Barbara, since Shiva used to just be a thief, but now is a murderer. Or not, since Shiva's dead. Right? Dunno. There was a dead body, a Jane Doe, which Barbara just assumed was Shiva. Well, there's your mistake. As my old baseball coach used to say, "Never make an assumption, because you'll look like an 'ass' and the 'ump' will 'tion' you."

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Birds of Prey

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