Birds of Prey
Nature Of The Beast

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Sorry I Killed Your Mother. We're Still Buds, Right?

Watching the festivities through a skylight is Helena, who says, "This guy pulled a total Michael Jackson," which could be the meanest thing anybody has ever said about anyone. I mean, it's not like Hawke's nose is falling off or anything. Maybe later he'll dangle Jesse off a hotel balcony. From the Clocktower, Barbara, who's doing sit-ups with her feet strapped into some sort of upside-down apparatus, says, "You sure it's him?" "One and the same," says Helena, except not once does this show make even a half-assed attempt to explain why everyone's so sure this guy is Hawke. He's taller than the old Hawke. He doesn't sound anything like the old Hawke, either in the timbre of his voice or the old Hawke's platitude-spewing manner of speaking. But since we're being asked to accept this as Hawke, fine. It's Hawke. Helena says it's no wonder they weren't able to find him, while Barbara says the scarring from the explosion probably put him "halfway there," while surgeons did the rest. Well, other than the back of his left hand, apparently. Maybe the surgeons left that scarred patch as a stern reminder to Hawke. Barbara asks how many "goons" Helena will have to go through to get Hawke. "Five, including our old pal Frankie Spitz," says Helena, who then starts talking in that contrived reflective manner television characters use when the writers need to drop a little exposition on us. To wit: "Spitz walks away on a technicality, Hawke escapes police custody," she says. It's the kind of dialogue that always makes me wish the other character would -- just once -- say, "I know this. Why are you telling me this? Why are you talking like that?" Helena adds, "I should just start killing them," and it was at this point that I started to cry, three minutes into the show, since the writers are taking us down the old "to kill or not to kill" road again. "How 'bout you just stick to the snatch-and-grab and put Hawke back in jail?" says Barbara. Hee! "Snatch." Okay, so I'm twelve. And maybe Helena should shut up for two seconds so she can pay attention to what's going on in this meeting, since an argument erupts over who contacted whom for the meeting, since both Hawke and Mischa thought the other guy called the meeting.

Realizing this is probably a setup, Hawke says, "Let's get the hell out of here," but it's too late, since there are two guys with honest-to-God fedoras on outside, who start blasting away with some sort of automatic weapon. We can't make out what kind of gun it is, but with the fedoras on, I'm going to assume they're firing tommy guns. And one of them is Jimmy Cagney. Bullets and bodies go flying, with Hawke taking cover behind the bar and Helena jumping back from the skylight since some of the goons getting hit are spraying their own weapons in the air. After the carnage, Barbara asks if everything's okay and if anyone's hurt; Helena says she'll take a look, and drops down into the bar full of corpses instead of, I don't know, going after the dangerous hitmen with submachine guns. She looks around and says, "Wow," and Barbara yells, "What is it? What's going on? Huntress!" to no avail, while everyone watching says, "What the hell?" as we fade into the opening credits. You know, Mia Sara has a great gig. She gets the last opening title credit and she doesn't actually have to be on the show anymore. Commercials.

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Birds of Prey

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