Birds of Prey
Pilot

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The Origin of Feces

Dinah: To.
Vanilla Coke: [quizzical look]
Dinah: I'm running to.

Well done! Don't worry about trying this technique in real life, though. People only talk this way in movies and television shows. Badly written movies and television shows.

So Dinah continues, rambling and making confused faces as she "explains" that there are a couple of people in New Gotham she "sorta knew. Or knew about, anyway. It's hard to explain." More clumsy writing -- Vanilla Coke says, "Well, do you think they're still in the city?" She just said they were; why would he ask that? I'll tell you why: so she can dramatically look off-camera and thoughtfully say, "I don't really know what happened to them." Then she looks out the window into the day's dwindling sunlight. Then everybody starts singing along to "Tiny Dancer" and I have no idea what that was about.

Now we have someone putting up a sketch of William Shakespeare on a wall. Don't drag Shakespeare into this mess! The picture's being put up by Barbara Gordon, in a funky motorized chair thingy in a classroom. This dude stops in the doorway: "Barbara, right?" She can only identify him as the new guidance counselor and can't come up with his name. Maybe Batman should have done some memory work with his protégé. Dude identifies himself as Wade Brixton and reminds her that they met during orientation. Then he rudely plunks his ass down on the corner of Barbara's desk, like, make yourself at home, "Wade." "Never really got into Shakespeare," he says. "Hamlet, Romeo and Juliet…I mean, he's a glorious romantic, but the lovers always end up dying. Not the ideal way to finish a date." Oh, ha ha. Can you think of a dumber thing to say to an (apparently) English teacher? Barbara doesn't say, "A, I wouldn't call Hamlet a lover and B, of course they ended up dying. That's what made those plays fucking tragedies, you idiot." She just chuckles and suggests he try the comedies: "People wandering around in disguises, mistaking each other's identities, only to find each other and live happily ever after." Oh, for Christ's sake. Please tell me the superheroes aren't going to be dropping hints like this ("people wandering around in disguises") all the time. I always hated that about comic books. Like, J. Jonah Jameson would say something like, "How do you always manage to get such great shots of Spider-Man, Parker?" and Peter Parker would say something like, "Let's just say I'm always hanging around." And no one ever picks up on it, even though I always waited for JJJ to say, "Wait a minute, what do you mean by that? Are you Spider-Man?"

Wade says he's a sucker for happy endings. Barbara offers to recommend some plays he might like, and he suggests she do that over coffee with him. "Are you asking me out on a date?" she says. "If I say yes, would that get you to come?" Dude, I'm no expert on women, but it's my experience that it takes more than coffee to make a woman…oh, he means on a date. My bad! "It might," she says, so he says yes: "Coffee, dinner, you name it." She says, "That sounds great," and is a little flustered, but before they get into specifics, her beeper goes off.

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Birds of Prey

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