Birds of Prey
Pilot

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The Origin of Feces

Quinzel leans forward and reminds Helena that she watched her mother die seven years ago to the day. Helena seems to react to this, so Quinzel presses on. "And a few months later, Barbara Gordon became your legal guardian" -- eyebrow cock and release -- "and there's no mention of your father." Eyebrow cock and hold…Helena: "Because at the time I didn't know who he was." Quinzel: "But you do now?" Helena says, "Bruce Wayne is my father," making Quinzel all a-twitter. "Your father is one of the wealthiest men in the country, and you move in with a schoolteacher?" Eyebrow cock. Wait a minute, he "is" one of the wealthiest men? If Batman left Gotham seven years ago, doesn't that mean Bruce Wayne would have disappeared with him? Helena shrugs. "Wasn't exactly Father Knows Best. He didn't know he had a kid." Wouldn't a Batman paternity test make for the greatest Jenny Jones ever? Then Helena says that to call Bruce Wayne "clueless" would be an understatement. Sure, he was only the world's greatest detective.

So after the "blame Daddy" portion of the psychoanalysis is dispensed with, Helena admits she misses her mom, who was "funny, crazy and dangerous." Just like my torrid affair with Sars. ["Who are you calling 'funny'?" -- Sars] Helena's voice has dropped to a near-whisper as she reveals that the day her mother died, everything changed. "I changed." Quinzel leans forward, cocks an eyebrow, and delivers another ridiculous, contrived set-up line: "Into what?" Helena looks at her. "Into someone maybe I wasn't meant to be."

Someone's at the bus station with Dinah. Vanilla Coke writes down his address on a piece of paper and gives it to her, saying, "See you tonight." They wave goodbye, and Dinah says to herself, "Things will be different here, I know it." Her attention is caught by two men sitting at a bus stop across the street -- one in a suit, looking nervous, the other dressed all in black, including gloves, hat, and sunglasses. He's reading a newspaper and looking at the other man and generally doing the worst job ever of appearing inconspicuous.

Nervous Man gets up yelling "no!" and running out into traffic, where he disappears in front of a big rig. Oh, wait, that was supposed to look like he got hit by the truck, since we next see him thrown to the pavement. Since Dinah's new to the city, I'm assuming that's why she didn't know she's supposed to just stand there looking around. She runs over to the man and tells him, "Don't move, just lie still." Like the guy has a choice. He grabs her hand, and a nifty special effect seems to pull the background in Dinah's head and back out again, only in black and white and devoid of anyone but Dinah and the man, who's groaning, "Don't let them get me." Dinah, who looks momentarily surprised by this dream world, or astral plane, or downtown Moose Jaw, or whatever this godforsaken place is supposed to be, asks the man who's trying to get him, and he just looks around, terrified. Dinah does too and sees rats suddenly swarming the street. Oh, and Conspicuous Inconspicuous Man is still sitting on the bus bench. Dying Man starts muttering something about "phoenix." The rats close in on Dinah and Dying Man, and just before they're overtaken, the man, dead, releases Dinah's hand and the world snaps back to normal. Dinah stands up and stares at Conspicuous Inconspicuous Man, who suddenly disappears.

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Birds of Prey

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