Birds of Prey
Prey For The Hunter

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If I Should Fall From Grace With Claude

Finally, we see some students at New Gotham High School, including Dinah, walking the halls with Barbara. Dinah's excited about a "new start" at a new school, since there were no secrets in her small hometown. "Everybody knew I was a freak. Everybody." Barbara fusses over Dinah's hair and almost tucks Dinah's hair behind her ear until Dinah says she's "channeling June Cleaver," like, welcome to the twenty-first century, Dinah. Leave It To Beaver? I coach a kids' basketball team, and I made a joke at practice last week because one of the players is named Kelly Taylor -- "just like on 90210," I said. Nine blank twelve-year-old faces looked back at me. "Beverly Hills 90210?" I said. Nine twelve-year-old kids exchanged looks with each other, wondering what the hell Coach was on about. "Never mind," I said, feeling about eighty years old.

Pity the poor new student forced to introduce herself to her new class in the science lab, and wince as Dinah explains that Opal, Missouri is "where the term 'zipper' was coined. So if any of you have zippers, you have Opal to thank." She's sinking fast, and is not helped by the Mennonites in the class, who just glare at her as she blathers on about zippers. Dinah sits down as the class starts to titter. "Invisibility. That would be a good power to have." Undoubtedly. As would the ability to shut up about your secret identity once in a while.

Meanwhile, in another part of the school, Wade is dropping by Barbara's classroom to update some plans they have for Tuesday night. He says his parents are coming to town, and she immediately assumes that he wants to cancel their plans, but he says he wants them all to go to dinner together. This makes Barbara nervous. "What if they don't…" she begins. "Don't what?" he asks. "…see me the way you do," she says. Which way is that, naked? He says she's got a point, that because she's funny, interesting, and "a little mysterious," they'll probably run screaming. Then he assures her that his parents will like her. "Know how I know?" he says. "How?" she asks. "Because I do," he says, in unison with everybody watching who has ever seen a television show before.

Back on the beat, Det. Jesse and Det. Creepy Claude are sharing their Really Weird Tales. Claude wants to know what passes for bizarre in Gotham City. Of course, they're trying to one-up each other with the weird stuff they've seen. Claude says he's seen "perps" who can shooting lightning from their fingertips, drop from ten stories and land on their feet, or turn into bugs. Det. Jesse wants to know if Claude means one big bug or thousands of little bugs, for some reason. Then Jesse asks if he's ever run into one who could turn himself into water. "You mean like a liquid guy?" says Claude. Oh, all right. Heh. Claude says that would be a new one on him. Jesse says these are things no normal people can do, and Claude tells him that's because they aren't people. "Don't ever make the mistake of thinking those creatures are anything like us," he says, like, here's a clue the guy's a bad dude. Jesse asks if the word "creatures" isn't a little extreme, and Claude cuts him off with a quick "it isn't" and gives Jesse a Noticeably Evil glare. As he starts babbling about giving Jesse the answer to all the weird stuff he's seen, he suddenly seems afflicted by a migraine. We get the extra-special Claude POV-cam as he spies some dude across the street, who looks like a mechanic or some other similar blue-collar job that requires you to wear a patch with your name on it. Claude tells Jesse that he sometimes gets massive headaches. Then he chugs from a bottle of pills and tells Jesse that he has to go, and gets in his car. Yeah, nothing wrong here. Sure, Jesse does look perplexed, but he seems unable to change his expression whatsoever. But he's pretty good at slapping the roof of the car as it drives away, the way people do for some reason.

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Birds of Prey

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