Birds of Prey

Episode Report Card
Daniel: B- | Grade It Now!
Hello, my name is Zzzzzzz

At the Dark Horse bar, some dinks in suits are loudly whooping it up and clinking glasses at a table. One of them yells something about the New Gotham High graduating class being back in town, and the other brain-dead dinks cheer and drink their beer, and unfortunately I realize that I will be behaving exactly the same way at some point this year for my own ten-year reunion. But some short guy gets jostled into the head dink, who says, "What the hell?" and the short guy recognizes "Joey Norvalino" (or something) and offers his hand, identifying himself as "Cam Henderson" who used to tutor Joey in trig. Joey responds with a "whatever, geek," much to the amusement of the table.

Observing the festivities from the bar are Helena and Gibson. Helena says it's scenes like that which have her not looking forward to the reunion, and how embarrassing it must be to have to be serving drinks to your former classmates, who have grown up into Suit Dinks. Gibson says he's looking forward to the reunion, since he figures he'll finally be recognized as the big alumni success story, and we learn that this is a five-year reunion, which I think is only the second five-year reunion in history, after the idiots on Beverly Hills 90210 ["the other one was my high school's; file under 'exception proving rule'" -- Sars] -- I mean, I imagine a large number of the future success stories are still in school, for crying out loud. And if you're going to go for the unlikely five-year reunion on your television show, maybe you could try to find some actors who aren't all obviously well into their thirties. Anyway, Helena reminds Gibson that he sells Pez dispensers, which he calls "rare collectibles" and which he sells at a huge mark-up. He suggests that he and Helena go together and rub everyone's noses in his good fortune. "I've always wanted to walk in with a blonde," he says, and when Helena points out that she's a brunette, Gibson says, "Which brings me to my next question…" but Helena won't let him finish.

So Joey Suit Dink stumbles over to the bar and says, "Hey, Gibson!" and to Helena, "Hey, baby, how 'bout a refill?" and she says, "How 'bout you've had enough?" and begins to threaten the guy with what she'll do if he calls her "baby" one more time, but she's interrupted by this tall bald dude whom we've never seen before asking if there's a problem, and Joey says he's just trying to get a refill all swaying and slurring, like, we get it, you're drunk, and Baldy chews Helena out and says, "It's really very simple: the customer pays the bar, the bar pays you," like, shut up, Helena's boss. Helena pastes on a smile and serves the guy, who keeps leering and calls Helena "sweetness" and asks if he knows her. Helena gives him an emphatic "no," and Joey says the night is still young and reaches for Helena, but his arm is grabbed by some tall in-a-suit-but-clearly-not-supposed-to-be-a-dink guy, who says Joey hasn't changed at all, and Joey says, "Hey, Jack," in the way you talk to an authority figure who's busting you, and Joey says he was just having fun, and Jack tells him to get lost, so Joey grabs his pitcher of beer and scurries away. Jack asks Helena if she's "all right," and Helena says yes and all doe-eyed actually thanks Jack, and I can't say I buy Helena not being angry at this guy for sticking his nose in when she can take care of herself, even if this is "Jack Barrett" as Gibson informs us after Jack leaves, and we learn Helena that had a crush on him back in high school. "And he still doesn't know my name," she laments. We get a shot of Jack returning to his table and checking out Helena. Gibson says the reunion would be a great place for them to get reacquainted; she and Gibson can go together, and then she can spend the rest of the evening pining away for Jack if she likes. But no dice; Helena says she doesn't have school spirit. And to illustrate why, the Suit Dinks cheer and clink their bottles again. And I am so not looking forward to pissing people off at my high school reunion when my friends and I behave EXACTLY LIKE THAT.

And later, yeah, we will probably drunkenly stumble through a park somewhere like the Suit Dinks are doing now, and I'm relieved that St. Joe's didn't have a fight song that I was aware of, because I'm sure we'd drunkenly sing that too like these guys are here, and I went to a Catholic school so maybe we'll belt out a few hymns like "Lord, Make Me An Instrument Of Your Peace" or something. ["I'm not paying your bail this time." -- Sars] Joey lags behind, trying to open up a beer, and he's so drunk that he tries to slam it open against the rim of a garbage can as his buddies wander away, and this creepy disembodied voice tells Joe that "it's a twist-off" but Joey doesn't get freaked out; he just opens the beer and giggles. Not for very long, though, as the air behind him coalesces into a shimmery human form and strangles Joe, all alone with his beer in the park. Opening credits.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12Next

Birds of Prey




Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP