Birds of Prey
Sins Of The Mother

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Mommy Dearest

This episode opens during another sunny New Gotham day at the bus station, or train station, or whatever…it's "New Gotham Station," but not the same station as from the pilot. And these generic names for New Gotham landmarks (New Gotham Police, New Gotham High School) is either clever or annoying. My money's on annoying. Out of New Gotham Station strides a blonde Lori Loughlin. She's aged since Full House, but she looks gooood. At first I thought it was the blonde hair I liked. Then I realized it was the absence of John Stamos. She dramatically puts on her sunglasses and walks purposefully away. A thug with a shorn head watches her, and on his cell phone calls some guy named "Spitz." Spitz is playing with a dagger and is one of those guys who answers his phone by saying "talk to me," so I instantly dislike him. When Baldy Thug tells Spitz that Lori Loughlin is there (well, not "Lori Loughlin"), Spitz says, "Excuse me for a moment. I have to stride dramatically towards the camera, where I will hit my mark and then say, 'Are you sure?'" He does so. B.T. says, "Sure as I'm talking to you," and asks if there's still a price on her head. Spitz says there still is, but tells B.T. there's a change: "If you lose her, the price goes on your head." B.T. gulps, maybe because he can hear Spitz stab his knife down. He starts following L.L.

Spitz approaches some guy in a lotus position. "Mr. Hawke, you're not going to believe this," he says, but as people in lotus positions tend to do, Mr. Hawke says things like "breathe in" and "find your centre" before inviting Spitz to continue. Oh, and Hawke is played by none other than renowned Canadian That Guy Stephen McHattie, who's from Antigonish, N.S., home of St. Francis Xavier University and a branch of my family tree. I'll bet you any money he knows my Uncle Billy. Everyone in Antigonish knows my Uncle Billy. "Black Canary. She's back," says Spitz. "I can't say I'm surprised," says Hawke, even though he breathed in and out really hard upon hearing the news. "Don't worry. I'll get her," says Spitz. "If it's meant to be," says Hawke, and ten bucks says the Birds of Prey start calling Hawke "Zen Guy" by the end of the episode. As Spitz turns to go, Hawke stops him: "Frankie. Make sure it's meant to be." Que Sera Sera Guy smirks and leaves.

Meanwhile, Baldy Thug is following the Canary through a crowded New Gotham set. He follows her into The Cleanest Alley Ever, where she's waiting for him with a well-placed kick to the head. It's such a well-placed kick that he goes flying feet-first into the alley somehow. She beats him up for a bit, taking some time to say, "I hope you're just a pickpocket, or else I'd have to hurt you." Then she gathers up her gym bag and struts away. Baldy Thug writhes in pain.

Dinah and Helena spar at the Clocktower. "Nice kick," Helena tells Dinah. See what they did there? Cut between Canary and Dinah kicking? Helena's teaching Dinah the fine art of kicking ass. Dinah tries to land a foot in Helena's midsection, but Helena grabs Dinah's foot, says "not fast enough!" and sends Dinah spinning through the air to land on her meta-ass. "Come on, I've almost got it!" whines Dinah at Helena, who's turned her back. Dinah gets up and lunges headfirst at Helena, who easily sidesteps her and throws her to the ground. "Almost will get you killed. And I've been holding back," says Helena. Dinah tunes her out as she stares at a weapons rack across the room. A pair of nunchakus start to vibrate before flying across the room, bonking Helena in the leg and knocking her to the floor. "What the hell was that?" she says, before the two of them run off excitedly to tell Barbara of Dinah's brand-new telekinesis. I knew it. I knew they'd just add powers to Dinah whenever they needed something new. Arriving breathless at the railing, they yell down at Barbara, who's talking to Black Canary. They both look up. "Dinah?" says Canary. "Mom?" says Dinah. "Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding," goes the meta-xylophone as the Birds of Prey theme music kicks in.

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Birds of Prey

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