The Alfred voice-over is back this week, this time over what looks to be a permanent show opener that quickly sums up the origin of the Birds of Prey, with Batman doing the Batnasty with Catwoman and producing Helena, and Joker killing Catwoman and putting Batgirl in a wheelchair. I suspect this intro might be used all season, á la Alias, in another chapter of network television's continuing refusal to give viewers credit for having any brains. The voice-over refers to Huntress as being "half-metahuman," which I guess is the Catwoman half, but it strikes me as odd since you'd think being a metahuman was an absolute thing; either you are or you aren't. I mean, it's not like the fact that Batman was a guy makes Helena only half-woman or anything. We're reintroduced to Barbara, who was once Batman's protégé until The Worst Pizza Delivery Guy Ever shot her. Now she's a "master of the cyber-realms," whatever that means, and mentors young heroes. "Together they have taken in a young runaway" -- a run run run run runaway -- "named Dinah, a metahuman herself with powers to open hidden doors to the mind, powers that she is only beginning to explore." Meaning: Powers that we're only beginning to make up. "Together, these three are the protectors of New Gotham: the Birds of Prey. My name is Alfred Pennyworth, and this is their story."
Dr. Melfi's office. I mean, Harleen Quinzel's office. Quinzel and Helena sit across from each other. Subtext detectives, take note: The characters in this scene are both women, so obviously we shouldn't listen to what they say, since this scene is really about how badly they want to have sex with each other.
"It's hard for me to come here," says Helena. Translation: "Let's have sex." Quinzel says: "Why is that, Helena?" Translation: "Yeah, totally." Anyway, you get the idea. HoYay devotees, I'm only poking fun. Helena says it's hard for her to trust people. Instead of offering any useful insight or advice, Quinzel just says that Helena's lucky, since this is her last court-mandated session. Helena sarcastically says she must be cured, then. Quinzel leans forward, cocks an eyebrow --
Sars: Okay, Danny, she cocks her eyebrow a lot. We get it.
Daniel: I know, but I don't have a running joke yet. I need a running gag. Or a catchphrase. You have any ideas?
Sars: Your first Birds of Prey recap had more cock in it than most Oz recaps.
Daniel: Too wordy.