Boardwalk Empire
A Man, a Plan…

Episode Report Card
admin: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
It's My Mick In A Box
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

On the beach, there is some sort of batshit undersea kingdom set up with King Neptune on a stage next to Mayor Dingleberry. Neptune is greeting everyone there and I have no idea why this happening. Is this an American holiday I'm not aware of? Richard Harrow's carrying a couple of ice cream cones along the beach, pausing for a moment to take in the domestic bliss that is Julia and Tommy hanging out on the beach, while this Neptune guy is talking about shipwrecks and whatnot. There are women dressed up as lobsters, though. Is it Sexy Crustacean Day? At since it took some doing for me to figure out whether it was Julia or Gillian on the beach, the resemblance can't be coincidental. Their names even sound alike.

It's not important, what Neptune is saying, because even though everyone is apparently there on the beach on purpose for this, their attention is soon distracted by bottles of whisky washing ashore. It's not quite the liquor tide of the opening credits, but hey, free whisky, am I right? "Why is everyone yelling?" asks Tommy. "Maybe it's a sea serpent," says Harrow. It's not long before everyone is wading into the surf -- Neptune among them -- scooping up bottles. To be fair, he was inviting everyone to partake of the spoils of the ocean. You got whisky, he got whisky ... everybody got whisky!

Over to the beach by Tabor Heights, the unintended source of the free whisky. You can imagine how Gyp Rosetti feels about losing two crates of hooch, and he tells Tonino that he wants to see the pompinaio captain. This is a word I take to mean "cocksucker." Tonino feebly defends the captain by offering the excuse that the ocean was crazy. "It's a fuckin' ocean, Tonino, doin' what it's supposed to. Why ain't he?" yells Rosetti.

That's when Tonino's idiot cousin Franco speaks up, talking about "rogue waves." We all know how Rosetti feels about being spoken to as though he should know more than he does. Franco's new to the operation, though, so he doesn't know that as soon as he opened his mouth, he was a dead man. That's eventually, though; Rosetti first wants to hear more about the rogue waves, and Franco -- despite his cousin's best attempts to defuse things -- explains that sometimes when the wind shifts and different waves hit each other, they make giant waves. "It's easy to lose cargo when it's not strapped down," he says. Well, why wouldn't it be strapped down? Franco's not really offering the strongest defense of the captain, but Rosetti instead gets mad at Tonino for not learning all his cousin's fisherman-insider wisdom like "strap your cargo down." Then he stares at Franco for a moment, making everyone wonder when the hammer's coming down. Instead, Rosetti calls Tonino "fuckin' Sinbad over here," and then saddles up to ride off.

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Boardwalk Empire

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