The Colleen Moore lookalike (I'll take your word for it, show) notices Willie, says he sits behind her in English Lit. Bucket doesn't like the attention she's paying to someone else, and tells her tonight after lights out, they've got some Paul Whiteman records, and they're going to "dust off that Victrola." I understand Paul Whiteman was the Andrew WK of his day. Not Colleen Moore tells him she and Doris already have plans with some juniors from Penn Sigma Chi. According to Bucket and his boys, Penn Sigma Chi are "all wet" and the girls are like, "That's why we're going," and I'm starting to get confused. Oh, now Bucket is talking about how they've got "plenty of giggle juice" too but one of his underlings stupidly reveals that they don't, sealing it for the hooch-having boys of Penn Sigma Chi.
The girls start to leave, and Willie speaks up to say he can get his hands on some booze. Everyone's surprised (and skeptical). "I know someone," explains Willie. Bucket's not about to let the opportunity slide by, so he smoothly gets the girls to say they'll join them in the basement, but after they leave it's clear he's not happy at being shown up by Willie. Then he starts grunting like a 1920s Tim Allen. Old Man Conwell is still going on: ""Let us remember, there is not a poor person in America, the United States, who was not made poor by his own shortcomings." For a moment I felt bummed about the way people used to think, and then I realized "'used to'?" and got even more depressed.
Elsewhere, Gillian and Roy Philips are checking out an apartment that she acknowledges is clean and spacious enough to suit a bachelor's needs. Roy takes a poker from the fireplace and says he's half-expecting to see Sherlock Holmes come through the door. Take this seriously, Philips! She's doing this for you! He notes that the windows face west, so it'll be like the Sahara in there by 4 PM. "Then again, I would be at the office," he says. Gillian asks if he's always so indecisive. He admits that he isn't in business, but personally, yes. Gillian calls it endearing, and Roy notes his wife Clara found it maddening. "Well, Clara was wrong," says Gillian. It's true, Roy. There's nothing women love more than indecisive men [eyeroll].
Gillian moves to the next room, and Roy follows, hemming and hawing about something until Gillian teases it out of him by noting his indecision again. Finally, he says that this evening, a man named Hewson, a "big Ike" from the A&P chain, is in town with his wife, and he's supposed to meet them for dinner. Hewson's old-fashioned, you see. Gillian's all, "Oh?" and Roy notes she's not making this easy. She smiles and asks if he's asking her to dinner. Yes, but there's more: Hewson thinks Roy's still married. "If he finds out I'm divorcing…" says Roy. "You want me to pretend to be your wife," says Gillian, finally getting it. It's not something a gentleman would ask a lady, says Philips, embarrassed, but as Gillian points out, he didn't even have to. And when the agent strolls in to find out what he thinks of the place, Gillian takes Roy's arm and says, "These rooms won't do," and they stroll out, arm-in-arm.