Boardwalk Empire

Episode Report Card
Joe R: B+ | 1 USERS: B
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Anastasia

We open in Chicago, where Al Capone is proving to be something of a complete dick. He creeps into the flophouse where Jimmy Darmody is staying (and shacking up with a girl, no less), pulls out his gun, and appears to aim it at Jimmy's head before firing it point-blank into Jimmy's pillow. As fakeouts go, it's not great (I can't imagine anyone was buying Jimmy to bite it in episode 4), but still, Jimmy awakes in a complete freakout -- his left eardrum bleeding and likely panicked in a post-war PTSD way, all the while Capone is cackling like the dough boy he is. He teases "soldier boy" "Princeton" Jimmy and says he was just playin'. Then he asks for the keys to the car. You guys, nobody told me Al Capone was such a twat. After Al leaves, Jimmy tries to calm his lady friend down, and I say "lady" even though I'd be floored if she's even seventeen. In return, she tends to his bloody ear. Just another evening in Chi-Town.

Back in Atlantic City, Nucky practices being surprised in the mirror, for the birthday party he's not supposed to know is coming. Eddie interrupts him with talk of the guest list, while Lucy pops in to announce she's going shopping. She also manages to indiscreetly compliment Nucky for tearing her apart last night, which makes Eddie blush and Nucky blush even harder. After she leaves, Nucky reminds Eddie to invite Governor Edwards, despite the fact that he won't come, the filthy Democrat. But Senator Edge and Mayor Haig both will be coming, and they're to be treated like "visiting royalty." Edge especially, as he's Nucky's key to a huge chunk of road appropriation funds. In other words, "make sure everybody gets laid." Oh, HBO shows, you change, but you always stay the same.

At Margaret's, Edith is reading an article about the woman believed to be the Russian grand duchess Anastasia Romanov, who had recently washed up alive. Margaret thinks it all sounds like a fairy tale, but Edith appears more circumspect. Edith appears to have as little patience for fanciful gossip as she does for noisy children, as she threatens Margaret's children with a spanking if they don't pipe down. Man, if anybody ever did that today, they're probably get the electric chair. Yes, they would bring the chair out of retirement for just such a heinous crime. Or they'd reinstate tarring and feathering. You think the Temperance League was formidable and humorless? Try messing with fucking Mommies today. ANYWAY, Edith's stern demeanor actually gets the boy to add a "please" to his request that Margaret read the "funnies." From Anastasia to Mutt and Jeff, Margaret's enjoying getting lost in some stories this week.

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Boardwalk Empire

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