Boardwalk Empire

Episode Report Card
Joe R: B+ | 1673 USERS: B
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Check Your Lease, Man. You're Living in Nuck City

Next stop is Berns' Funeral Home, before which Nucky takes a quick nip from his flask. Which is kind of brazen considering the wake inside is full up with temperance-type old ladies, who Nucky nevertheless charms with his usual smooth talk. He even assures the widow he was a good friend to the deceased who spoke to him just last month. This is news to the widow, who says something or other about a laryngectomy, but she's still awfully flattered. Nucky then proceeds to the basement, where we come across the real reason for his visit: the illegal distillery happening quite literally underground. The stills are presided over by one Mickey Doyle, who I'm pretty sure is going to love out West at the end of this series, settle down in Utah, and end up the great-grandfather of Albie Grant. Like, picture Albie crossed with South Park's Tweak and you've got Mickey. Naturally, everybody just barely tolerates him.

Mickey brags about producing around 2,000 crates a week of some seriously bathtub gin (which, in this case, is neither gin nor made in a bathtub, so let's talk amongst ourselves). Mickey talks them through the process of faking bourbon -- involving lots of caramel coloring and grain alcohol -- and Jimmy asks if they can do scotch too. Mickey snivels that they can, only they need to add a carbonating agent for the bubbles. He hands Jimmy a drink, which goes about halfway down his gullet before he chokes it back up. Mickey cackles about the carbonating agent ... in this case, formaldehyde. Jimmy waits about half a beat before smashing the glass over Mickey's head. Nucky and the other employees break up the fight, which isn't exactly easy with Jimmy fired up. Mickey's not exactly docile either, as he pulls out a gun. Nucky pushes his arm up so Mickey fires through the ceiling, up through the floor in the funeral parlor. Hankies are clutched like you could not believe. Jimmy takes another swipe at Mickey as he's being ushered out, which I appreciated.

Back inside, Nucky's as pissed at Mickey as he is at Jimmy. "Stupid bohunk," he spits at Mickey, who takes offense. He changed his last name to "Doyle," after all. No more of this "Kuzik" nonsense -- he's an American now. And maybe it's just the Scorsese connection, but I couldn't help but think of his Gangs of New York, and how the Irish were the non-American ones back then. Not sixty years later, they're the salt of the earth and now the central Europeans are the "other." Thank god for the blacks and the Jews or else this daisy chain of white ethnic intolerance would start to get confusing. Anyway, Nucky's not so impressed by Mickey's personal rebranding. "A rose by any other name..." he sniffs. Mickey wants to know what that's supposed to mean, Nucky: "Read a fuckin' book."

Boardwalk Empire

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