Bones
Pilot

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Pilot

Dulles International Airport in Washington, D.C. A young woman in a winter coat and boots (making me wonder when in the hell this was filmed) runs up to a bank of monitors that announce arrivals, bemoaning the fact that she's late. The monitors are on the fritz, and she immediately starts asking random people if they know when the flight from Guatemala arrives. The music indicates that this is supposed to be funny, instead of ominous or scary. Thanks, background music! She runs up to a counter person and tries to explain that there's a glitch with the monitors, but he gives her the Index Finger of I'm a Bad Customer Service Person So I Am Going to Make You Wait For Dramatic/Comedic Purposes. The young woman immediately rips open her shirt and flashes the guy her lace bustier. That's some fancy lingerie for everyday wear. Did she anticipate that she might need to pull this maneuver? Or does she have a date later? The guy is immediately entranced by her ta-tas, and the woman asks about the flight from Guatemala. Before the counter guy can answer, or even put his tongue back in his mouth, a woman appears behind them and says, "Tell me you tried 'excuse me' first."

The Flasher hugs the Arrival and asks how Guatemala was, wanting details like if it was awful and backward. Arrival says at least she was never reduced to flashing for information. Flasher wants to know if there was flashing of any kind, and Arrival says that she was "neck-deep in a mass grave" the whole time she was there. Sounds like an awesome vacation! I'm surprised they don't cross-promote with Travelocity or something. Come to Guatemala! You'll be neck-deep in a mass grave ten minutes after deplaning! Flasher refers to Arrival's recent "messy breakup" and Flasher says that nothing Arrival did with Pete (the breakup-ee) was ever messy.

Suddenly, and without warning, Arrival drops her bag and turns around to ask a man in a suit behind them, "Sir, why are you following us?" The guy grabs her arm and Arrival immediately busts out some kung fu on his ass. Wow, I totally thought this show was going to be about, like, bones and stuff. Who knew it would include ass-kicking? Anyway, Arrival takes down the much larger man and airport security guards quickly arrive, guns drawn, and tell Arrival to back off. She protests that the guy attacked her, which isn't exactly true, and the downed man yells that he's Homeland Security. Arrival tells security to put away their guns. Homeland Security says that he's in charge, and security should keep their guns out. He orders Arrival to hand over her bag, which she quickly does. When he opens it, he finds a human skull inside.

So that leads to a small room, where Arrival is being questioned by Homeland Security. She explains in a bored manner that her name is Dr. Temperance Brennan, and she's been in Guatemala identifying victims of genocide. Homeland Security thinks that Brennan's ease with the questioning indicates that she's a sociopath. Brennan explains that she's a forensic anthropologist. Homeland Security says that Brennan claims she's working for the FBI, but she doesn't have the proper credentials to support that claim. While he continues to harangue her, Angel walks in the door. Look, I'm just calling him Angel until they tell me his character's name on this show, and then I'll stop. I can't promise there won't be any jokes about the undead, though. Homeland Security says that Brennan is also in trouble for attacking a Homeland Security agent. Before this can go any further, Angel flashes his badge and identifies himself as Seeley Booth, Special Agent with the Major Crimes Investigation Division or Bureau or whatever. He adds, "Bones identifies bodies for us." Brennan bristles at being called "Bones." Booth (what is it with the B names on this show?) explains that Brennan also writes books, and slides one over. Homeland Security says she's free to go, and Brennan immediately gets suspicious and decides that Booth set her up by sending out a "hold for questioning request." Homeland Security doesn't deny it. So was this a practical joke? Or did Booth want to appear all smooth with the big intervention that prevented Brennan from being shipped off to some nameless prison on an island nation with no press access? I think the writers just wanted to introduce David Boreanaz's character before the credits, and had to figure out a way to get him to the airport.

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Bones

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