First of all, I want to mention that last week I said that Kings Road Café was on Kings and Melrose. Every single day since then I've had to drive past it as it mocks how wrong I was. It's on the corner of Kings and Beverly. Okay? There. Now I can sleep again.
We open on trick-or-treating. Wahlberg's kid is dressed as a wizard, but not the good kind of wizard named Harry. He's got his kid dressed as Merlin. What kid knows who Merlin is? "Score!" the kid says, and I notice they've put glitter on his eyebrows. I don't think that's right. The kid runs over to Kelly, Wahlberg's wife, who's apparently just fine now. Thanks for the explanation, y'all. Wahlberg gets a cell-phone call and pretends for a really long time to be a voicemail recording. Kelly looks up for a second in shock -- will the bad joke send her spiraling back into her bed of depression? Anyway, it's Fearless on the phone. Wahlberg asks his kid -- Willie -- whether he'll save some candy for Fearless. "No!" he brats. "Willie!" Kelly says, mock-offended, laughing and holding her son. Her first line of the season and it's not good. We can gather that Fearless delivers some bad news to Wahlberg, because the "intense" and "moody" music kicks up as Wahlberg asks one-word questions and Kelly's face reads, "If you go to work tonight, I'll slit myself again." These kids are trick-or-treating in total daylight, by the way. It's, like, 3. Wahlberg asks Willie if he's got enough candy. "No way!" Willie says like a brat again. Someone needs to slap that kid. Wahlberg tells Willie that it's going to have to be enough, because one of Wahlberg's friends is in trouble and he's got to go and help. Willie asks if it's Fearless, and Wahlberg says it isn't. "I hate your job," Willie says. I hate his kid. Wahlberg says he knows he does. Kelly carefully says that she can take Willie trick-or-treating for a few more houses. Wahlberg knows just how tenuous Kelly's grasp on reality is right now, and the shock of a neighbor answering the door dressed as Elvira might hurl Kelly back to Weepsville. Wahlberg makes a pained face as he says, "No. No, he's had enough." As if Willie's too young to understand English, or perhaps he's a dog. "No, I haven't!" Willie whines. "I'll take him the next block," Kelly says again, an edit that's obviously another take from the earlier line. "You sure?" Wahlberg asks. "One more block," Willie orders. Kelly's face says, "Yeah, I'm sure," but her eyes say, "And then I'll eat our child for dinner." Wahlberg kisses them goodbye and says, "Be careful." A group of child extras stare at the scene as Kelly asks Wahlberg which friend of his is in trouble. Wahlberg -- who's about to leave Kelly forever -- says, "It's, it's a paramedic. Don't worry. Okay? Bye." See how they made Kelly all better now so he can just ease out of their relationship and start seeing Teresa without us worrying about his suicidal depressed wife?