Episode Report Card
Pamie: B+ | Grade It Now!
Just Kill Him, Already

As McPointy's walked even further into the prison, he gets the lowdown. While he's in the room with the condemned, he will be under constant surveillance, because the condemned is currently under a death watch. If McPointy has any "unauthorized contact," he'll immediately be arrested. Ew. He has to leave the inmate's cell by 11:30, no exceptions. McPointy promises to be out of there long before that.

McPointy enters the cell. A large, smiling, bald, black man sits alone in a large room, at a desk. He thanks them for showing up. They make small talk. McPointy asks for the confession. The prisoner says he's on borrowed time. McPointy tells us that the guy's about to be executed for killing a family of four when their son shorted him on a drug deal. He also chopped the legs off one of his "homies" because he "scuffed his Air Jordans." I'm sure. Curly stops McPointy, and gives us our prisoner's name: Chronic. Chronic says he lied, and has nothing to confess to McPointy. Curly leans over and says, "Look, if this is your idea of a joke..." Chronic: "Look. I'm scheduled to die in four hours. That ain't no joke." This show seriously, seriously, seriously needs better writers. Chronic tells McPointy that he wants his sentence commuted to life in prison instead. McPointy's outraged that he's flown all the way out here for this bullshit. McPointy says that all of his appeals have been denied. McPointy stands to leave, but Chronic is up in an outrage, screaming, "I wanna live!" like he's Meg Ryan in The Doors. A cop restrains him and puts him back in his chair. Chronic explains to McPointy that if he dies tonight, someone else is going to die, too. An L.A. cop will be kidnapped tonight, and when Chronic dies, the cop will die, too. "I don't believe you," McPointy says. Chronic calmly asks whether he's allowed to stand up. For no good reason, they let him. Chronic stands and walks over to McPointy with his hands outstretched. In the most idiotic, uncharacteristic move so far, McPointy walks close to Chronic, takes his hand and shakes it. Chronic takes this moment to head-butt McPointy in the nose -- not shattering it, as should have happened, but just kinda popping his nose open for the one minute left in this scene. He'll be fine -- no swelling or bruising. Just a nice cool stream of blood that'll look really awesome when he's fired up in the next scene. But it'll go away. He's okay. The blood's really thin anyway, like it's mostly Caro syrup and not enough food coloring. "We're not done," McPointy says, falling into Chronic's trap perfectly. The theme music starts up before the scene ends, reminding Boomtown that eventually we have to have credits and commercials. And maybe they'd want to do a POV card, or tell the story even slightly out of order like the show's supposed to. No? Okay. Then why not call this show Law & Order: Los Angeles and get it over with?

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