Home Invasion

Episode Report Card
Pamie: B+ | Grade It Now!
Knock, Knock

"This is so cool," one of the girls says. Apparently, quite a bit of time has passed, and the family is now sitting down at dinner. The other daughter does not think this is cool. The girls bicker about one of them having gone to Washington, D.C. for Spring Break, a factoid that doesn't add a thing to this plot. Henry says that they should have gone to Mardi Gras for Spring Break: "Let 'em throw beads." Doreen asks if they should let their daughters bare their breasts to strangers -- and videocameras, as well. "If they want to," Henry says. The girls call their dad "gross." Then Henry grosses me out with this sentence to Ray: "They aren't so keen on me becoming so touchy-feely. But you see, priorities change." What does that mean? Ew. What does that have to do with baring their breasts? The girls realize that he's about to tell "The Joke." He launches into it, and all three women have to leave the table, offended by "The Joke." Henry doesn't finish the joke, however, because a wave of pain hits him. Ray's smile fades.

Cut to the daughters kissing Henry goodbye, telling him not to pull any James Bond moves. Doreen hugs him goodbye. Wahlberg asks her to leave. "You know what?" she says quickly, bitchily. "I know this is just crazy. But I'm not going." I guess their daughters don't need any parents, huh? Wahlberg tells Doreen to leave. She says she won't. Wahlberg says that this is a police operation and he insists that she leave now. She insists that he leave now. The daughters smile, proud of their death-wishing parents, saying that neither of them will leave that house. The girls skip off, proud to be potentially orphaned so young in life. Wahlberg shuts the door and the doorbell rings. Cut to slow-motion and a close-up on Wahlberg's concerned face. Commercial.

Back from commercial, we hear the doorbell again. "Night nurse," Doreen says calmly. Well, glad we weren't worried. How do they know it's not the night nurse who's doing all the killing? We know because tonight's night nurse is Teresa. Take a good look at Doreen answering the door, because we'll never see her again. I don't know where she goes off to, or why she bothered staying. She does nothing to advance the plot and helps in absolutely no way. She's just "in the house" somewhere, and we never see her. Brilliant. Wahlberg watches Teresa and gets a boner.

Teresa. Henry takes a big hit from his bong. It's Reason #5 on the top ten list of reasons why it's good to have terminal cancer. Teresa takes his pulse and asks him how much time he has. She asks him ultra-casually, so casually that Henry takes a second before he answers her by saying he's stopped flossing. She smiles. "You've been through this before, haven't you?" he asks. The crickets -- always a mainstay of Los Angeles nightlife -- have taken over this scene, and all you hear is their constant chirp. Teresa's all offended that Old Man Cancer's busting in on her private life. She turns away and goes back to "working" on something. He says that nobody else would ask that big question. "Who was it?" he asks, inappropriately. "My mother," she says. He asks if she made it. "No." So he asks, "How was it for her at the end?" "As good as can be expected," Teresa answers. Henry gets hit with a wave of pain. Teresa apologizes for his pain.

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