Lost Child

Episode Report Card
Pamie: B+ | Grade It Now!
Drugs Are Bad, Mm-Kay?

Wahlberg whispers a confession. The night Kelly took the pill, the night their baby died, he knew that she had taken the pill. So he watched her sleep, because she hadn't slept in a while, and because she looked so peaceful. But he should have been watching the baby and not Kelly. Wait, do people never sleep when they have kids? Just stand there watching the baby sleep? Wahlberg says that he shouldn't have been watching Kelly sleep, because as he was, their baby girl was TAKING HER LAST BREATH. So it's his fault, somehow, that he didn't stare at the baby all night. Kelly and Wahlberg clutch and cry, weeping and moaning, the music going into sappy overdrive. Craven finally interrupts to save us all from this sobfest. He decided to read the SECOND AUTOPSY REPORT, since that's where the answers lie. "What was your baby's name?" he asks. "Emma," Wahlberg and Kelly reply together, answering the required baby name of all television baby girls. Like that was some kind of test, Craven tells the couple that the baby had a brain aneurysm. Craven explains that the baby would have died anyway, either a week later, or seven years later, or twenty-seven years later: "It was bound to go off. Then. Or in grade school. Or as a young mother with three children herself." Wahlberg and Kelly -- relieved that the baby would have died anyway, that it's not either of their faults -- clutch each other again in sweet relief. "Little girl got dealt a bad card. So did you," says Craven. And so did we, y'all. Kelly and Wahlberg hold each other as the music wails. See? It's the baby's fault. Babies ruin everything. Order a third autopsy report and arrest that baby.

At the diner, Kelly asks if Wahlberg knows how long it's been since they went out to dinner, just the two of them. I guess Kelly gave Willy a brain aneurysm as well. Wahlberg apologizes for not taking Kelly to a nicer restaurant. She says she doesn't care about the food, but likes being alone with him. She asks if they can see Craven more: "And not as a lawyer." Wahlberg says that's fine. Kelly says there's something she didn't tell him in there that she wants him to hear: "Thank you." "For what?" "For saving my life." They kiss. End of episode, end of season, boo-ya, Boomtown.

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